I don't know how to fly the Space Shuttle

[Firstlove]

This is my first post on DB - it is the end of January 2011.

I am the H in a 33 year marriage that is now on the broken hill of separation. I am reading a number of DB books now, yes for the FIRST time, I am watching Michele's video on Marriage Breakthrough and I am in the middle of a DB Telephone coaching session with a very wise DB coach (thank-you). As I am heading towards the crash-heap of divorce at almost light-speed here I have a word picture that I would like to share with this forum.

I visualized that my marriage is like the Space Shuttle and I have been circling up in the cold darkness space for the last 33 years, thinking that I knew everything, that I was the "commander" who never having to learn anything new and was always "in control". Then the Space Shuttle started its downward journey to earth and I am crashing thru the atmosphere at 17,500 mph, headed towards the surface, and was in fact very much "out of control". I am in the pilot's seat, my wife is sitting beside me - not happy at all and in fact, extremely angry at me and very scared as to where she found herself after 33 years with the "Pilot" at the helm of her ship. We had just recently docked at the International Space Station and our two adult children have left the Shuttle and headed off to their own spaceships, embarking on their own individual amazing journeys thru the universe of life with their copies of the Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy being written by them. So now, its just me and my W in the empty nest Shuttle.

As the tip of the Shuttle begins to plummet and burn up in the atmosphere, I realize that the "auto-pilot" light has gone off because there actually IS no auto-pilot program for landing the Shuttle, because you ACTUALLY have to be a pilot and know what you are doing to both take the Shuttle thru the heat of re-entry and then AFTER you have gone thru the HEAT, and things have cooled down somewhat, you then actually have to KNOW the techniques and have the skill to land this thing safely.

Because I do not have the slightest clue on how to land the Space Shuttle, let alone fly it in space, my W knows that either burning up in re-entry or being obliterated in a devastating crash-landing is our only future, because I do not have any of the skills needed to bring our marriage Shuttle thru this crisis, and our ship, with both of us in it, is about to be destroyed, wiping us both off the planet -correction, we are already "off the planet", but you get my drift.

Coming to the full realization that I do not have any of the knowledge or skill to land the Shuttle and we are facing imminent destruction, my W heads for the escape hatch, puts on her Walk-away Astronaut suit and advises me that I am on my own, she has had enough. Not only does she say that she is punching the escape hatch of our crashing Shuttle, she actually does it, and leaves the Shuttle. She has left the Shuttle now for 4 months, going on 5, and is glad to be out of the chaos and crisis of living in a Shuttle being piloted by and idiot H (that would be me). As the Shuttle gets closer and closer to the ground, the heat shields beginning to break away because of the uncontrollable spinning of the nose, I call up my dear W on the interstellar cellphone or sub-space email system and say something brilliant like "Honey, I miss you terribly, I love you so much and please come back to this out of control Shuttle that is about to crash and burn, if you just get back into your co-pilot seat and strap yourself in, I am sure things will work out just fine and we will land safely. I don't know how that will happen, but, you know, just trust me - please come back.

The repeated messages I get by from my Walk-away Astronaut wife is essentially this. "Dear Know-it-all uninformed, foolish selfish wannabe Pilot, first of all you never treated me like a co-pilot, you always treated me like a lowly cabin servant doing the bidding at the commands of the Pilot - you never asked my advice on how the Shuttle should be flown or where it should go on its journey, you always made all the decisions, and I was merely a "passenger" on "your" Shuttle, so now that the ship is falling out of control and you want to save it, don't give me this last minute "Co-pilot" stuff - you never treated me as your co-pilot and I am not coming back into that seat only to share the "now" equal responsibility for the crash". "You think you are so smart and know it all, YOU land the Shuttle safely - good luck with that."

The interstellar chatter went on like this for several months after her pushing the eject button on the emergency escape pod.

"Ok OK OKKKKKKKK I admit it, I never treated you like an equal, I am sorry - I get that now, please forgive me, please come back to the Shuttle". "NO, I have ZERO interest getting into a crashing burning Shuttle with you, and I don't even want to talk about it with you because you don't have a CLUE what you are doing as the Pilot and I am not coming back for anything, I have a new ship that I am on now and it actually is a pretty nice ship, calm, safe and comfortable, I am actually able to breathe without fear now for the first time in a long time, I sleep well at night, I have friends coming over to my Shuttle that I never had before, and I see a future in my being my own Pilot of my own Shuttle, why would I leave that and come back to the out of control Shuttle you are the sole pilot of, and join you in the impending crash and destruction of it. Why would I do that ?"

"Uhhhhhhh, let me think, uhhhhhhh, well because, you have been in this burning Shuttle for 33 years with me, we did have some good times in it - see here are some pictures of us smiling and enjoying life in the Shuttle - remember - so that is why you should come back - oh and I love you and I need you - its lonely here in this about to crash Shuttle, I miss you terribly and I would like some company as we burn up in the atmosphere or crash land - when can I expect your return ? - if you like, I will come and get you and help you pack your bags to come back - I will even make a nice dinner, candles lit and have a bottle of wine for us to enjoy just before we blow up in a ball of fire. How does that sound to you ?"

THAT dear forum friends, is my word picture of the lovely offer that I have been giving to my dear W for the past 4 months since we separated and now living in separate Shuttles. And I, up until recently, had no idea why she was not rushing back to be at my side to continue the nightmare of our long-suffering journey. As she said to me recently - "Dear Pilot -I am done, I am over it - you are on your own - good luck with that and I don't even want to talk about it - stop sending me the long interstellar sub-space emails telling me why I am wrong for wanting to save my own life and how wonderful you are."

As I am reeling with the unmistakable reality of the insanity of my request for my dear W to return to the burning Shuttle, I looked around and luckily found the DB website and counseling services being offered. The first message I saw was this "EMERGENCY LAST MINUTE SPACE SHUTTLE LANDING INSTRUCTIONS AVAILABLE NOW - CALL THIS NUMBER IMMEDIATELY" Remember the famous line from that other "Busters" movie when they said "Who ya gonna call ?" - DIVORCE BUSTERS. So I picked up my interstellar cellphone, ordered a number of Space Shuttle Emergency Landing Instructions books and signed up for my first Phone Counseling Session, with a very experienced Astronaut.

On the first phone call with my Astronaut counselor, I am sure it sounded like "MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY !!!!! - I AM CRASHING, OUT OF CONTROL AND MY SHUTTLE IS ABOUT TO BURN UP IN THE ATMOSPHERE AND THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO TO PREVENT THAT- HELP HELP HELP !!!!!!!!- MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY" One of the first miracles of DB, is that in my screaming panic of certain pending doom, I heard the calm experienced voice of a seasoned expert Astronaut on the other end of the phone saying essentially this "Calm down sir, yes you are at the controls of an out-of-control Shuttle that is crashing, your "should have been" co-pilot W has left the scene of the carnage not ever returning as she said, and things are looking pretty dark, and hot for you right now - I get it." "OK OK OK so you get it -lovely for you - I am about to CRASH here, what do I do - I have never done this before and I don't have the slightest CLUE what I am doing - HELP - SOS -MAYDAY -or whatever I am supposed to be saying - what do I DO - where are the controls ????? - how do you land this thing?" I am sure that is what I sounded like on the phone.

Here is what I heard thru my panic.

"Ok Mr. Inexperienced Pilot who thought he knew it all, the first thing you need to do in the middle of this train-wreck Shuttle landing that has gone bad, is - SLOW DOWN !!!!!"

"Slow down, slow down, slow down - ok ok ok that sounds good - how do I slow down ???" "Uh- gently push on the brake, do not JAM it as hard as you can or you will start flipping out into deep space and even I cannot save you, just gently, very gently apply your foot to the brake, and slow down.

PERFECT ADVICE I am thinking, I feel better already knowing that SOMEONE out there knows how to both fly, and more importantly, save a crashing burning Space Shuttle. I begin to relax on the phone and start to have some hope for the future. With that hope, I then ask this question to my newly found Astronaut counselor.

"Ok I want to, as you say, slow down, how do I do that?" Answer: - "put your foot on the brake, its quite simple, but do it gently, no sudden "jerk" moves".

"Ok Ok just one question" "Sure shoot, what is your question?"

"Where is the brake ?"

I could just hear it in the silence of her voice as I am sure she was thinking "Oh boy, here we go again, this one's gonna take a lot of work, I wonder if he will listen"

Therefore, here I am at the beginning of this journey at the end of January 2011. I have bought several of the flight manuals written by Michele, who has landed many burning Shuttles that were destined for certain destruction, I have her videos and I have signed up for the DB "Astronaut in Crisis" Phone Coaching program. I seemed to have first found the brake on this complicated amazing beautiful and mysterious vehicle called marriage with the help of my phone counselor. My Shuttle is in fact "slowing down" as she said it would. THANK YOU FOR THAT !!!! - amazing what happens when you follow instructions.

Perhaps for the first time in my life, I am actually listening, and more importantly applying wise counsel to my life - what a strange and powerful concept change is. Why didn't someone think of this before now ? While I am still the ignorant inexperienced Pilot who was merely flying, literally by the "seat of his pants" for 33 years, I am going forward on this journey with both faith and hope.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see"

My hope is this. Not if, but when, I apply the advice of my Phone Counselor Astronaut Coach, listen to the wisdom that Michele provides in her books, videos and other amazing divorce busting resources, that not only will I be blessed with a Shuttle that does not crash and burn, but rather will have one that will be pulled out of its death spiral out of control nose-dive to terra firma, and be turned into the amazingly safe, unbelievably exciting and stunningly beautiful spaceship it was designed to be by the greatest Designer ever - yes, that would be God.

In time, following the wise counsel of this Divorce Busting organization, it is my hope and prayer that my W of 33 years, who will always be the love of my life, will someday return and take her rightful place, not behind me, but beside me, as a true co-pilot of great value, wisdom and love, and that together, based upon what we learn here, will be able to write our own Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and we can jointly co-pilot this Shuttle to the stars on the continuation of the amazing journey that marriage can, and should, be. And at the end of our journey thru the cosmos, we will both end up, in heaven.

In hope and with faith and gratitude to Michele and her team at DB, I look forward to tomorrow in great anticipation.

Mr. Firstlove