What the practice sections in Hold Me Tight ask me to do will be difficult. I've read the first three conversations. What you are asked to practice is to identify when you are participating in a Demon Dialogue with your spouse, be aware of how you are emotionally impacted by your partner's harsh words or distance, and share how it impacts you emotionally. The author's premise is that even distant, fighting couples want to connect, and can if they take the risk. This looks good on paper, but will be difficult to do in practice.

My responses are to withdraw or distance myself. These will be patterns I will need to change (180 in DB terms). I will need to hang in there with conflict, and when my W is critical or angry with me. My internal reaction is one of annoyance and anger, but to share that is participating in a nonconstructive dance. Sharing that I've been injured seems like too big a step to take. Maybe the next step is to slow down, and acknowledge my feelings to myself, instead of staying in emotional reactive mode.

My W has signed-up for a complimentary personal training session at our fitness center. She is between jobs and has time on her hands during the day. She is probably about 10-20 pounds overweight. She goes with me to group classes, but not to exeercise on her own. She is thinking about buying a package of personal training sessions to teach her how to exercise, and find a routine that works for her.

I want to return to the monthly Saturday night ballroom dances that I used to go to during my GAL phase. It hasn't gone well, when my W and I had gone together. I decided to invite a favorite classmate of hers to go with us this weekend. This way my W will have someone to talk to in between dances. This will take pressure off of me to dance every dance with her. I'll expect her to stay two hours. My hope is that she'll eventually become known in the ballroom community, and will enjoy herself. It's my dance partnership too. I like FMV's reminders about the importance of expressing our needs in the M.

CL

CL 53 W 54
M 20 yrs.
03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL
10-14' Piecing

"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."

----Tao Te Ching