No 2 x 4's to be given in my opinion. Much of what you have said, we've all felt or heard. I know I have.
You know the MLC'rs propensity to rewrite history. It sounds to me that is what he is doing here. He had no good, honest reason for doing what he did, so he made up shizbot.
As for pulling away from the kids at a certain age; I have seen that very same thing in several male acquaintences through the years, and they didn't leave their families. Just in their male mental set, there comes a time to 'put childhood things behind' and start being tough. It's a different age for everyone I've known. The kids are left a bit perplexed, but, they adjust to 'the new Dad'.
The re-writing of history is one of the most painful things, I've found. Things you considered cherished memories, are just 'things' all of a sudden. Places he was 'forced' to attend.
As much as you can, mentally armour yourself for the things to come, and remember what you know to be true. Don't try to change his pov, it's like talking to a rock, and only degrades the memory in it's true form. YOU know, and YOUR KIDS know; and somewhere deep inside where the sun never shines, SO DOES HE.
