Lighthouse lit until WAW comes out of fog 2

[habitacker]

I have to admit the GAL part is a struggle. I have been so detached from W and family, it seems very wrong to do more of the same.

I am trying to figure out what to do for myself. My most successful 180 or GAL has been my relationship with my kids. It has been great. It didn't take much at all, and they were on me like static cling. I wish it could be as easy with W.

All my time has been focused on the kids. This has been great, but it is taking it's toll. I need something else.

We live in a very small town about 50 miles from anything. The only thing we have is a local bar. I tried going tonight, there were 5 people there which were regulars, if you know what I mean. I was back home in 10 minutes. I have to do something, I am going to go nuts.

Another problem is that when I do leave the house, I feel like I am just leaving her at home with the kids. I don't want her to feel like I can just go do whatever I want because she is there to watch the kids. This would be more of the same.

She never complained about this, but she did mention something about her doing stuff with the kids all the time, which is her life, but doesn't remember what she used to do for fun.

Now we both sit here wandering what we used to do for fun. Well the answer is, that we had eachother for fun, now we are lost because we don't have that. We were probably to dependant on eachother, but when things were good, that was fine.

My very big, expensive, time consuming hobby's have ended. They had to. W thinks I ended them because of what is happening, but she is wrong, it needed to end. My kids were growing up and I was missing it. I was realizing this all summer long, way before the bomb.

So for about a year or more now, I have noticed that I needed to change my life. I was beginning to grow up and see what I wanted to do, and bam, the bomb. It seems like such a shame. I was ready to make a change that probably would of kept all this from happening, but I just didn't make it in time.

Getting hit with the 2x4 sure speeded things up, but it is such a shame that she thinks all of my changes are because of the bomb, when I was already beginning them before. I wish I would of just woke up a year earlier.

Anyway, my new hobby is my kids, but that isn't enough if you know what I mean. I need something more personal, I just don't know what other than my W.