hey...really am so happy for you and i just want to tell you to be careful i was here last year and was given another chance...now i am back because i did not pay attention when we fell into old habits and did not keep the good changes going i thought..."there will be time enough to fix things" well, never put off til tomorrow and all that.......... but i did and here i am and i don't know what will happen this time so please, down the road, when things are comfortable again, don't get complacent that's all from me on this cold winter night all the best to you, bolt
Bolt - Congrats man... keep the momentum going. Always.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
grr - I'm very sorry for what you are going through. Let me ask, what would you have done differently?
My plans are to do things one day at a time. We had a great long conversation about the R yesterday where we even outlined check ins weekly so we don't get off track. I am going to daily check in with myself to make sure I don't stray. I figure that this will eventually become my routine.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
hi bolt.....what would i have done differently? lots first off, i would have tried to remember the feelings i had when i was without him. how lost i felt and how badly i wanted the chance to start over instead, i once again, let life get in the way and i did not make our marriage my priority we have a very unconventional sitch.....he is in a rock band an always on the road i work in tv and have crazy long hours, so our time together is limited and we never make the most out of it most of the time we are passing by each other, just trying to make sure someone is home for our son, but not making sure we take time to reconnect after being apart i didn't pay attention when i realized our sitch was once again in trouble and just felt like it would get better on it's own we all know that doesn't happen i would have addressed issues, lovingly, as they arose i would have made more time for the marriage and most importantly let him know that i loved him, everyday it is a two way street and he also did not put in the work but he also was not the one asking for another shot and promising it could be better i would tell you to just pay attention to what is going on and how she is feeling i'm glad this is working for you hope i can find my way again i hope today is a great one for you
Bolt, I am so proud of you and incredibly humbled!!! You are right about doing the check-ins with yourself too so that you don't find yourself here anymore.
Would you say that you are in reconciliation stage? I'm really interested in how you feel about that. I'm interested in what W's reactions were to the new "rules."
grr - thanks for the response. I understand how you can let life (read career) get in the way. That's what got me into this sitch. I work in TV also - I smell a theme... I wish you the best every day.
LIS - I'm not sure what stage. I went to SF yesterday and reread the DB book on the flights and am am still trying to figure that out.
We did a check in today and it went well. I stated things that I was grateful for - the touches, the gestures, the compliments - I was very specific.
Then I talked about what bothered me - texting when the four of us are in the car talking. I felt unimportant and told her that. I DID also say that part of the proposed solution was for me to give her a little more alone time so she can do that sort of thing. She's a habitual chatter/facebook/surf the web gal. I told her that she should spend the time chatting with the people she was actually with.
She agreed.
I then said what I want to do for the week - be patient, continue the fight for her, stay positive...
She did a lot of crying when it was her turn. Initially it was hard for her to remember the good things I did. She had basically become numb to me because she was afraid to let down the walls. I let her think and didn't lead her to answers.
She did say the things that made her feel good and did like them. I reminded her that those gestures were to show her that she can be loved.
That brought the tears. I can't believe I've gone so long without telling her, well actually SHOWING her how I love her. I took her for granted.
She then tried to think of the negatives and started crying again. She said that she had (remember the past tense) become numb that she didn't remember the positive or the negative.
It was the perfect time for a hug.
I swooped in and rescued my princess and said, "I'm here to protect you from this pain." I also told her to feel secure by letting a brick out of that wall so she can feel even more love.
More tears.
We did talk a bit more - we're thinking of moving and she's very confused about what to do. I have supported her and am cool with whatever we do. She did say, "I just want someone to say it'll be ok."
Perfect hug time again
I grabbed her, looked her in the eyes and said, "It'll be ok."
I do so love this new person I'm becoming because it really feels great to make someone especially your soul mate, feel good about themselves.
We do have a long way to go but it's definitely on the right path.
So LIS, I'm trying to figure out what stage I'm in for sure and do according to the plan.
Thanks for the encouraging words. I truly hope that I'm encouraging others but remember, everyone's sitch is different. I think I'm truly blessed to have the woman that I do. I'm also blessed with the fact that I know my W better than anyone else on this planet.
The coolest part? She knows that too...
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
bolt, that is just awesomeness personified! so glad for you i can absolutely see the romance seeping through the pain (hope that doesn't sound weird) it actually sounds like you are both so connected and that is just lovely please keep it coming interesting that you work in tv as well....and yes i see too much of this because of that (i think)
