Your story is very heartbreaking but at the same time I hope you know how inspirational it is too. You and your family have been through alot.
Welcome - you've come to the right place. Good friends here and support.
I commend you for getting as much info on MLC as you can. It sounds like the death of your FIL has triggered that mortality issue in your husband that is certainly a sign of MLC. And as much as you want to shake him back to who he was, you can't. He's going to have to get there in his own time and his own way. And be forwarned, it's a MAJOR roller coaster ride.
So what do you do? Start taking care of yourself. Get stronger for yourself and for your children. Do things for yourself. Great start in getting DR. That book is my bible. I have read it at least a dozen times. Maybe you can start therapy or counseling. Not for your marriage, but for yourself. Your H won't want to go anyway.
The MLC'r will blame you for everything. Their whole life has been miserable because of you; you held them back...blah, blah, blah. It's a total head trip because they are so lost that they can't see their contribution to the spiral. Think of your H as spinning tires in the mud. Read the MLC section in DR. It has some real eye opening information.
I will continue to follow your posts. Hang in there and know that we are here for you.
Peace and Hugs, ZG
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
