This is where I'm struggling so much and this is where I might have absolutely screwed this up. H wanted to drive me to work today because he was afraid migraine was still bothering me (it wasn't). I said I was fine. He looked genuinely sad.
Here's the thing... his chief complaint about me is that when we moved and I got depressed, I pushed him away. So, I guess that is what I am doing right now. But, I tried to be more affectionate and attentive when he first announced that he was unhappy and that backfired badly. Now, I'm going in the opposite direction. I am not so sure I am doing that because of the advice or I'm doing that because I really just gave up, but that's what I did. Well, it looked like it was working well. Except now, he looks rejected half the time. So today I make an effort to be a bit more involved in what he's saying or doing. I try to respond a bit better. Well, he's going the other way. It's here where I just get tired of it.
Now, I'm scared to death that this weekend he's going to pull the trigger on leaving. I mean he really did a turnaround today. I'm going to tell him the same thing I told him last time: that I support him if that is the way this heads. But it's gonna hurt like crazy.
You're right, I should have enjoyed the time when I had it. I just couldn't deal with it because I'm just so different in how I think about things. I couldn't understand him nor appreciate him because I was still too upset about him walking away. I guess part of me still is.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. And I'm still so happy for you, Bolt. You are doing AWESOME!
