You've gotten some good advice and some not so good advice. If you take the hard line, set limits with consequences, you will likely push your wife out the door.
You have mentioned some positives along the way--they are baby steps. You need to do more of the things that are giving you positives. The last thing you want to do is cut your wife off and stop meeting any of her emotional needs.
When in doubt, do nothing. While most affairs burn out in the first 6 months, some take a lot longer, and take a lot of patience.
Reread what Michele says at the top of the infidelity thread and on her blogs. You've been doing a good job, it just needs a little tweaking.
You know a fair amount about the other man now. What keeps her attached? WHICH emotional needs is he meeting? How can you meet them BETTER?
