I was reading through your last thread and found this:
Quote:
Like I have said before I do alot of reading of other people's sitches. While reading them, I have come to a conclusion about our WAS's or MLCers and that is, they are not choosing the OP over us, they are choosing themselves. I have seen many times people be upset because their spouse chose the OP. Let me tell you, they are choosing themselves over everyone, including the OP. Eventually, the OP will see this, and they will decide whether our spouse is worth the selfishness or not. But, we are good people, we would not be here if we weren't, we would not want to reconcile with our spouse. We would have not want to work on ourselves. We are the better people and will always be the better people until our spouses choose the take the high road and do what is right, not what is easy or better for them. Trust in God and know that he doesn't make junk, he has made you a special and loving person. He made your spouse that way too, but the difference it that your spouse is choosing the easy route and you are not. God be with you all!! He is good and loving and me made you!
When a person does something to someone, it has nothing to do with that someone, and everything to do with the person who did it.
When a MLC'er goes out and chooses to have an affair; you are right; they are choosing themselves, and their "happiness" over anyone else who would stand in their way, including the LBS.
They are aware of what they do; MLC or not...if they weren't aware, they would not be playing headgames, lying, and trying to justify their actions toward the LBS.
Unfortunately; while they are deep within their affair; you cannot set effective boundaries in that area; you can only set them on their behavior toward YOU.
And this still doesn't mean the MLC'er will accept the boundaries; they could choose to get even worse in their behavior, simply because they CAN..and in a way, they know it.
Yet,God calls upon us at certain times to stand up for ourselves; that is what our intuition is..the voice of God speaking within us.
I agree heartily that God doesn't make "junk", He made human beings and equips them to withstand the many trials He sets before them to go through.
God allows things to happen to open our eyes to what we truly are; and He often uses things we wouldn't think of to accomplish His purpose.
Although, for example, He hates divorce; but will allow it to happen, why?
Part of the reason is because He won't tamper with Free Will, and part of it is because it seems to be the only consequences some MLC'ers will understand is the loss of the LBS..most of the time for good, as the MLC'er will never be truly happy for the remainder of their lives, NO matter what they "show" on the outside. I'm convinced of that, because you can't do wrong and get by.
Consequences last a "season" according to the Bible, but God never said how long a season would last.
Lorie, you will come through this better and stronger than you were before; and your trust in the Lord is deep to the point you KNOW He has everything under control; and that's a good place to be.
I know God is sometimes hard to understand; but His ways and thoughts are NOT our ways and thoughts; and He always allows things to happen for a reason...we might or might not know this reason down the road.
The important thing is recognizing where WE need help within; and be willing to allow God to change us, work with us; fashioning us into what He would have us to be.
I've not always understood what God is all about; but I trusted Him; and placed my hope and my faith in Him..knowing I would be taken care of regardless of what happened in my life.
In hindsight, my understanding was increased; and yours will, too.
It is still the same now with me; I hold onto Him; and depend upon Him to care for me; knowing He always will.
God will allow us to go deep into the deepest valleys in our lives; but we never walk alone; as He is always with us.
When I went through this trial, it deepened my relationship with Him; and no matter what happened; I never lost my faith in Him.
He worked a miracle in my marriage; but most importantly, He worked a miracle within my life; and helped me to become what He meant for me to be.
The person I became was worth more than the marriage that came back together...and I came to know this with a certainty...as the marriage is a BONUS; not a means to an end.
The road I walked into my "new" life; was a hard one, but worth every step I took to reach the end.
In time, I healed in every way; and became more sure of myself as time went on.
You, too, can and WILL reach this place; it will take time; but it will be worth every step to become what God means for you to be.
And, even then, the growing doesn't stop; it continues throughout the rest of your life.
You're going to be fine, Lorie, no matter what happens going forward, because the Lord does hold you in His hands.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
