second verse same as the first

[2stepboogie]

True,

100%. I slipped a little bit. It was almost subconscious reaction.

Sandi,

You are also right. Way too much!! I get angry when I slip but I have to continue to remind myself that I will make these mistakes and try not to beat myself up for it!

Michelle,

Thank you for refocusing me. Just when I think I'm doing great you guys keep me grounded. I need some practice with this stuff. I made a classic mistake I got over zealous at the first sign of an opening. Luckily she didn't slamm the door in my face she kept it light and friendly.

[2stepboogie]

"Ok 2Step, I'm going to wait and see how this flower sending thing works out for you before I make any such attempt! "

LOL! Glad to help. She will either say "ha! He's still desperate" or she will say "awww that was nice. What am I doing"

As soon as I know I'll post. Spur of the moment decision and now all day I'm going to be thinking........"what a jacka$$" all this work just to slip. Learn from my mistake or success but I will let u know

[MichelleLT]

It's not how far you fall, it's how high you bounce when you reach bottom.

What's done is done.

WASs are unpredictable. This time she might like them, next time maybe she wouldn't. Either way it's pursuing behavior and probably not appropriate until you are past the stages of trying to reduce her negative emotions and rebuild your friendship.

Now go do something else! LOL

[lostinscared]

Gotta tell you that I agree with Michelle here. I, too, think that it's pursuing behavior and you need to pull back a little bit.

I am not at all worried about her being angry. Anger is good. Happy is good. Indifference is bad. And, my friend, you do NOT have indifference.

2Step, play this cool. You are in a delicate spot and you need to play this cool.

You are doing great and hang in there! We are all cheering for you!

[dixiegal]

Okay...Yes the flower thing is pursuing...but, I took the convo as she almost expected and wanted it...comforting to her maybe?

I don't know...I think she will be okay with it...

On the other hand...it gives her control again...so, I'm gonna hold my breathe on this one...

The good news is she has some convo with you!!!! Which at this point I would kill for!!

So, just try and not jump the gun and hang back just a bit...

Your doing great Man!! Praying for you!

[2stepboogie]

Well she got the flowers. Nothing special but for those that were interested here it goes

W "Thank you they are beautiful"

M "I hope they cheer you up"

Nothing else. Oh well. My kind deed for the day.

[lostinscared]

Keep smiling, 2Step. Regardless of the chess and strategy, what you did was very sweet!

[MichelleLT]

Hey, she didn't have to text you thanks if she didn't want to. So, that's definitely something.

Leave it at nothing else. Let her enjoy her space (let her get sick of her space lol).

What you have planned for this weekend?

[2stepboogie]

Lost,
Thank you. A perfect example of expectations letting us down. I talk a big game but I realize I am bumbling lol. I feel pretty good though.

Michelle,

Weekends are always very rough for me. This weekend we will be having my daughter bday party. She is pretty excited and I am a little nervous about the whole thing. I am afraid my emotions will betray me. One of my biggest triggers for tears is my daughter missing my W if that comes up I might be in trouble. Saturday night she will be spending it with her cousins and I will probably go out with some friends.

Sunday I was invited to the movies but I will probably stay home with D because I still feel guilty going out and leaving her behind.

Weekends are not my favorite I like Mon-Fri I get lost in my work and feel great but getting home is still a challenge. We have been getting snow on a weekly basis and that is killing me. I hate the cold to begin with but when I get snowed in and I am forced to stay home I got nuts. Luckily since I have found you guys I have been doing much better.

I try to remember that W is hurting also specially after the revelations of the last few days but it is so easy to forget; don’t know if that makes sense.

[MichelleLT]

Make weekends better. Are there things in the house that remind you of your loss? Box them up and put them away this weekend. Put up pictures of just your daughter and you. Plan little things to do with your D. Watch some movies, hang out.

Make sure you give yourself time to do you stuff. Get some exercise. Start a book that is NOT self-help. Something that will make you laugh out loud. I personally survived some of the darkest times of my situation with Janet Evanovich, but I know they are aimed more at women. You should give Terry Pratchett a try if you like British humor.

Give yourself healthy escapes. And also know that you will spend time being sad and lonely and that's okay too. Just don't let yourself get stuck there for too long.

Not only is your W struggling, but she actually admits so! That is something a lot of us never got. But either way, it is hard to be empathetic. The back of your mind keeps going, but you chose this! But you have to keep telling yourself that your relationship is in a make-it or break-it growth phase though. You both need to grow as individuals to decide if you want to make the relationship work. It won't happen overnight, it shouldn't happen overnight. You are in this for the long haul. Change and growth are often difficult and painful, and this will be difficult and painful for both of you.

Just hang in there.