Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Your best IS all you can do. You have a lot of anger, and yes it is warranted. I understand. I understand the betrayal. I understand the pain. I understand just how UNFAIR this is. I wish I didn't, but I do.


I didn't see this as a time for me until 2 years after my H had moved out, and to this day I catch myself feeling like a victim - but only briefly. There are no guarantees in life, and as I was forced to learn, in marriage. I had many, many DB'ers tell me this was MY time. I had a few tell me how LUCKY I am to be able to learn who I am and find what makes me happy. How dare them! When I first got here I did not feel lucky, and I sure as he## was not HAPPY. It comes with time. I hope it comes to you faster than it did for me. I wouldn't wish the slow-train on my worst enemy.

I have 3 beautiful, perfect children. I have YEARS of good memories. I am gaining peace in reflecting on the GOOD that happened because of my marriage. My H can't take that away. In the beginning I let him tarnish my memories. I let him make me believe that my whole life was a lie. When I first came here (with a different screen name) I was in a very bad place emotionally. It got worse. It got better. It got BAD. It's now getting better. It's called healing. It's a process that we all must go through - because we MUST.

At this point I am where you were. I don't remember much, I think I'm not remembering because it would bring more pain to me, or it's the chronic sleep deprivation.

I feel my married life has been based upon lies from the start. It appears H saw our vows as just words, he didn't mean them or intend to honor them. He married me because it was easy and provided him benefit. As he got older and I got older and became a mother, and we both underwent the normal changes expected with aging, it was just not what he thought he signed up for, it took things from him ( time, money,energy) so he took the easy road again by leaving.



I will not tell you how lucky you are. I will not tell you that you should be happy now. I will suggest that you do not make ANY decisions until everything is sorted out in your head. Do not make decisions or choices that are fueled by your anger.

Oh I'm trying not to. I am working on detachment, I am meditating daily as I can . I have affirmations posted on every mirror in the household. I wish I had my DB counselor in my pocket to consult every time a situation comes up!

You are in a good place, here on these boards, and there will be many people here willing to help you through - many that have taken this journey and are farther down the road than I am. It's not a matter of time. It is what is within you. Part of the journey is learning what that is and what you will do with it.

I'm tired of this journey as you call it. Just so tired, and I know that if I decide to D it's still not over. If I find someone else, that will just complicate matters all around. I KNOW this in my brain and in my heart.

I'm still going to have to deal with the entanglements with H that having a family creates. I once told him that...for all the good it did.

I thank you for your kind and empathetic response. It's nice to be heard and understood.