MrBond, I hear you loud and clear. Am I guarded? Sure am. But I have seen that the texts have stopped. Communication is at a cold stop. My wife is much more attentive to me alone now. She still has to completely build my trust but it is definitely miles ahead of where it was just a few days ago.
I think what changed for her is that she wasn't truly aware that the texts were a "bad thing". She had no intention of hurting me and when she saw she was, she stopped it. I actually give her major kuddos for that.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Got a text from the W this morning. She's on her way home and she's been very engaging with conversations about the future. Most of it has to do with all of us moving and not really the R but that's ok.
She texts me this morning, that she's exhausted, confused and done. I don't think with the R but with the whirlwind trip that she just took. Everyday was something and she didn't get a chance to slow down. My W needs a day to unwind and she didn't get one at all on the trip. It was quite stressing and gave her confusing thoughts.
I told her it is time for her to rest and she said that she would. I then said something that I just felt was the right time to do it. I felt that she needed a little reassurance and so I texted: Haven't said this in a while but I love you. No matter what.
She returned: I don't deserve it after all I've put you through. I'm so confused on what to do. I used to know but I feel so lost now.
Me: I am here for you, remember that. We will make it through this. Listen to this, I love you now more than I ever have and am more determined than ever to win you back. I admire you for taking the trip and doing something so difficult.
She didn't return because she was literally boarding the plane. When she landed halfway, she texted about the Ds and said she would text more later about the other.
I'm not sure how to read it but I'm going in with a positive attitude. I'm acting AS IF she is excited to see me so when me and the Ds go to pick her up, we'll all hug her, show her love and welcome her home.
I bought flowers (she loves them) and even made a gesture by buying a movie that a few days ago she said she wanted to see. I'm listening to her instead of just hearing...
What I plan for the rest of the day after I pick her up is to let her spend time with the Ds. I'm going to go to a movie so that way she doesn't feel pressured into talking any R stuff. She just had a horrendous week and I can wait. I get all day with her tomorrow.
what does everyone think? I do have a plan moving forward too. I'll let you guys know more if we still take a baby step forward.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
What woman would not want to come home to you? Honestly, you are one of the sweetest people here!!!!
Honestly, I would have advised not telling her that you loved her. Of course, I would have advised not doing some of the things you've done previously as I guess some would consider them pursuing. However, it just seems to work for you in your situation. Whatever is going on in your wife's mind, you seem to be reading well and responding well and you need to be so proud of yourself for that!!!
I agree completely about going to the movies and not pressuring. She probably did not respond back to the text because she is a bit uncomfortable. So, I would back away a little bit.
But honestly, you are doing so awesome and your attitude is GREAT. "I get all day with her tomorrow" - I really could learn something from this because I seem to dread it and I think a lot of that is attitude.
You're awesome. I pray for your peace and your reconciliation.
Thank you for the kind words, can I give you my W's number? (I kid)
lost, I did think long and hard about it but I kept going back to thinking about her. I didn't say it for me. I didn't say it to get any response. I wanted her to feel loved in that time of need. This was 100% for her and not for me.
I just went through an entire plan of what I need to do. I've been GAL so this part is easier. I'm actually in probably the best shape of my life right now. I've been having great meetings in LA about different projects so the future does look extremely bright. I just hope its with my W. If not, as Donna Summers says, "I will survive"
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
Picked up the W at the airport and it couldn't have gone better. Let the kids get their hugs in while I put the bags in the car. She came over to me and gave a giant hug. She didn't let go.
The ride home - about 45 mins in rush hour - was bliss. Even though she was totally exhausted, she was attentive to me and kept the conversation going. The kids were in the back, minding their biz as we talked about tons of things. She even mentioned where she wanted us to go for Valentine's Day.
The flowers worked wonders and then when we got home, the movie did the trick too. She looked at me like, "you actually listened to me."
We all ate dinner as a wacky family - we all have very strong senses of humor and it gets crazy. Life has been restored again.
She came up to me later and gave me another hug AND a kiss. Totally unexpected.
But I wasn't done I drew a bath for her and shut the door and let her be alone. I went to the movies so she could have her and kids time. Worked nicely!
AND I enjoyed being by myself too...
Guys and Gals, I seriously think that there is something to be said for understanding what your partner needs. I read the 5 Languages of Love the other night - I use a highlighter - and found her language. I think if we all learn to speak our mate's language, we will all be in a better place.
By the way, I look at this as a start not a finish. I know we'll have hard times - heck it could be tomorrow. I'm just starting. This is a new life and it will be fun.
I'm not going anywhere either. I need to spread the good feelings for those of us who haven't risen to this point yet. I just hope I can spread some good ju-ju for those of us.
Like I always say, Stay Strong!!!
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
Oh my goodness, Bolt!!! Could I be anymore proud of you????? This is so awesome!
See, I would never have recommended the flowers. But it worked!!!!! I believe completely what you are saying about understanding your spouse and their love language. It is so true!!!!
Yeah, you might have some bad days, but momentum, my dear, his on YOUR side! There's no advice I can offer you. You are doing this and you are doing this your way and it's working! This is so inspirational.
Had a great talk about the R today with W. She's back in the game for sure. We talked a lot about what happened in the last 5 years and the last 2 months especially.
I nailed why she went on her trip exactly. I also nailed what would happen and what did happen. It drove the fact home that I truly know my W. She knows that perfectly too. She even said, nobody knows me like you do.
Now we're making plans on how to keep this train rolling. BOTH of us.
I even got some unsolicited touches today and yesterday.
After giving her the time apart with just the kids last night, she snuck downstairs to cuddle with me. Usually, she would spoon but this time she faced me. Can we say I was a little excited? (NOT that way, you pervs ) I can wait for that...
She was very open to my suggestions of date nights, also of getting together once a week to let each other know exactly how we are feeling emotionally. I strongly feel that if everyone did this, we wouldn't be in this sitch.
This is now my goal!!!
Thanks to all for the support. I will continue to post to inspire. You CAN make it happen. Sometimes you have to do what you think is right - because it may just pay you back more than you ever thought.
m 40 w 38 married 15 together 18 d11, d8 bomb 12/19/10 2nd bomb 3/30/11 COMPLETELY DONE
(I kid)