Scared and Alone

[Bolt]

that is so awesome about the bra !!

So glad we can help make your day. My career is to make people laugh so glad I can help

I would suggest to stop looking for the big changes and recognize the little ones. He is stopping around and asking you questions. Sure, he hasn't given you the ILY or the hugs/kisses BUT there is a difference in just a few weeks ago, no?

My C told me that expectations are what really kill momentum. You should treat your expectations like you two are divorced. That way, when he does something small you can act like - would he do that if you WERE D? I did that and it worked wonders.

The examples are: would he really care to ask what you were doing on the computer? Would he ask where you were going? Would he have someone check on you at the gym???

NOT if you were divorced. Take solace in the fact that at some level he does still care. No matter how small or how little it seems. BUT if you don't see that and don't try to make it continue, you may lose that little bit you are getting.

My W would say, "I'm giving you all that I can right now and it still isn't enough. Why bother?" - it's so true!!!

Imagine this. What if you weren't working out to look better. He would ask you if you could hit the gym. You do and you lose 2 pounds in a week. That's a huge accomplishment AND something that takes a lot of effort. You feel good about yourself and want to share it with him. Then he turns around and says, "Only 2 pounds? Maybe you should hit the gym harder."

Holy cow would that push you over the rail. WHAT? I just worked my tail off and that wasn't good enough??

See the correlation? Take the expectation OUT of what he may or may not give you. Treat those as gifts. When he looks at you a certain way, asks about your day - THOSE are gifts of caring. Chances are, if you don't expect anymore, eventually you will get more.

Weird how that works but it does.