Poster mentioned timeline...what's it look like?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Should I just give up trying to save my marriage? Friend of mine said it was over, perhaps she was right, and I'm just spinning my wheels.

That is up to you.

I asked the same question when I first got here.

Are you here for quid pro quo?

You'll give as long as you a guranteed to get what you want back?

There is nothing to give. H wants nothing from me. I said this before. If he could and there were no kids involved I would not see him for dust. H loves his kids...I'm just the caregiver.

Is that what your vows meant to you when you said:

I will love and honor you all the days of my life

BUT

If you don't give me what I want.

What I feel entitled to receive for this commitment I say to you today.

If you get scared and confused.

If you get so scared you run away.

THEN

I won't.

I meant my vows, that's why I'm here, that's why I'm struggling. H clearly did not take them in the same spirit with the same intent. Can you even begin to sustain anything if the other party to that covenant decides to break it?
To him women are fungible, at least so it appears. No one is irreplaceable. Even Job replaced his family.

One thing I can tell you Scylla is we want a lot of things when we get here and most of them have to do with our own fears.

I do not disagree with you here. Not one little bit.

When you make a decision.

One that most people don't make.

Choose the path less traveled.

You find answers that most people don't get.

Most people don't even know what questions to ask.

You want a guarantee?

Great. I cannot tell you how discouraged and defeated this makes me feel.

I guarantee you will continue to feel this way unless you decide to define success on your own terms and based on what you control...

whether it is with your H or someone new.

I don't control a whole he77 of a lot. I'm mostly playing catch up and adpating to circumstances as fast as I can from my POV.


Your success lies within you not in the actions or inaction of another.

So what are you prepared to do for your M if you are not guaranteed it can be saved?


I am trying to figure that out. It's a good question.