Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[zengypsy]

Ok, some really important things to highlight here like 2Step said. She was happy for awhile when she moved to her first place. Then, that didn’t pan out for her. Now, she’s on place #2 and this is definitely going to be the change she is looking for right??? Ummmm… wrong. That probably won’t pan out either. These WAS’s are looking for something, but most of them don’t have a single clue what and tend to attribute their issues to the wrong things and therefore cure their issues with the wrong things. She wasn’t happy, ok, that’s fine. Don’t you find it strange, though, that she chooses someone so far away to carry on an EA with? I mean if she was serious, wouldn’t she choose someone closer??? And she’s being a jerk because she’s got some confidence about her. Badly placed confidence, though, and that will also come crashing down around her. Listen, it’s tough out there and when the knocks start coming for her (and they will), what is she going to do then? You have an advantage in this situation, you have KNOWLEDGE. I’m willing to bet that she has no idea what is coming next in this process. She is in reaction mode full speed. That is why 2Step is really stressing that you stay out of reaction mode completely.

Now, I am really sorry that you had a bad day and you broke down. (((hugs))) All of this is to be expected so don’t put pressure on yourself to feel any other way than how you are feeling. That just prolongs the pain. Just allow yourself to feel it. We are all here for you to listen so keep talking. You may not always believe this, but you are DOING GREAT. You have taught me a few things so I know you know what to do here. I know you know what to expect. Keep working the program, be patient and wait. As I am always being told, change yourself and your W will have to change.

I can totally relate to this part of the thread. My H is now living in his third place since he moved out last Feb. Not sure why because same thing like 2Step said, my H said he loved his apt and that he signed a years lease. Because it was in NYC, everything was close in proximity to what he needed. Now he moved to North Arlington, NJ. And THIS change is going to be the answer?? Well, we all who have been here know the answer. Like you say LOS and 2Step...These WAS’s are looking for something, but most of them don’t have a single clue what and tend to attribute their issues to the wrong things and therefore cure their issues with the wrong things. Where IS this Utopia they are looking for? As I said, their problems are portable, affairs/new realtionships are transient.

WE are stronger because we've acknowledged our part in the downward spiral. WE have looked for tools to help us because we no longer wanted to feel this way anymore. WE chose to not be quitters and fight not only for our marriages but for ourselves. WE understand that it is so much easier to walk away and to what? Unless they come to a place where they start dealing with their own issues, they are just going to keep running and miss out on many things on many levels.

We are a united front. Keep up YOUR changes. YOU have worked very hard to get where are. You are getting stronger every day and your WAS stays weak.

We all have some great support here and words of wisdom. Let's keep it going!

Wishing you a better w/e.

ZG