Ok buddy let's take a look at this. Now your situation mirrors mine more closely. Welcome to the actual separation part. This part is really going to stink to high heaven! My W did the same thing. She packed she moved and before I knew it she had her own place across the country. All my friends and family have told me to move on and I have known her support group has said the same to her. So why after three months does she call last night cries for an hour and talks for almost six?
If you go back to my post you will see that I mention the fact she always seems so happy and content with everything, like life is going great. BS! This is a front for you and for everyone else including herself. The reality of the situation has not hit her yet.
She has a place. Great! She is excited about making it her own. Awesome! Be excited for her! In front of you she will be smiles and perfectly content. Guess what? She is DBing you! Only difference is you've read the script. Behind that smile and that confidence is a person that is hurting and hurting bad. She will not show herself for sometime but that is ok because that is the time you need to get yourself right, I mean really do it.
Right now she is angry and hurt she is justifying her actions but the bigger the pride the harder the fall. Anger is temporary and so is resentment, the question is will you be there when the smoke clears? At some point she will start to look at herself and slowly she will begin to realize her contribution to the break down. This is growth. You are ahead of her in that regard you have taken time to learn to read and to own up to your mistakes. The emotions your feeling, guess what, those emotions she went through while she was sitting next to you, but you never saw them till it was too late. So in the emotional race she is winning.....way ahead of you. You will catch up; and when you do she will have hit quick sand because she has started to take stock in the separation.
Now begins the healing process. This will take time and it will be painful talk to us often this is when we need each other the most. I fight anger all the time but it is ok to feel it just don't let it define your actions. "He who angers you conquers you" a quote from my W FB account lol.
Remember you are in the chess game of your life and you don't want to throw 15yrs of your life away and neither will she but that will come with time. Distance and Time are actually your friends here not your enemy. MY DB coach told me that. I thought she was crazy until last night. As for the MC, I kind of like the guy I am not saying I agree with everything but he is pretty brutal, just my style.
If you W seem happy, be happier. If she calls and tell you about how great the apartment is coming then congratulate her on a job well done. Mean it! Don’t fake it. I know it’s hard but if you truly love this woman root for her success because at the same time you are healing yourself and becoming the person you need to be.
As for the DB coach I am working with Jody and I love her! Just call the number on the website and they will set you up. Stay away from Thursday at 9AM central it’s taken LOL.
We all have chances to make it here some of us will and some of us won’t but we all have a chance. Don’t rush the D if you don’t want to. When you talk to her be NICE! Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
We are here for you and each other and through god’s grace and some hard work we can make it out the other side with our W or without, but we will always be better people for what we have learned.
Great post!
M-38 W-37 T-16,M-11 (Oct 30,1999) S-5 S-2 Wife left 7/4/2010
"When life hands you a lemon, say, 'Oh yeah, I like lemons! What else ya got?" — Henry Rollins
