You know what? I think it’s ok to be a little bit angry about this right now. I agree it’s a bit crappy to think that decorating your apt. is more important than dealing with GM situation especially if she claims to be so worried about it. I do think you handled it very well. Remember, though, FOBD, it’s all about her right now in her mind, so she’s not going to be logical in her interactions with you. Just isn’t going to happen and don’t expect it.
Yup, like 2Step said, she’s pushing your buttons. Don’t let them be pushed. In my experience, the button pushing stage gets pretty intense. Refer to Wanda where her H is really being a jerk. He took her one and only shovel for goodness sake! It’s also about time that you do some redecorating of your own! This was suggested before and it’s time to hightail it! I’m thinking man cave. I wish we were all there because we would all love to help you on this project!
Ok, some really important things to highlight here like 2Step said. She was happy for awhile when she moved to her first place. Then, that didn’t pan out for her. Now, she’s on place #2 and this is definitely going to be the change she is looking for right??? Ummmm… wrong. That probably won’t pan out either. These WAS’s are looking for something, but most of them don’t have a single clue what and tend to attribute their issues to the wrong things and therefore cure their issues with the wrong things. She wasn’t happy, ok, that’s fine. Don’t you find it strange, though, that she chooses someone so far away to carry on an EA with? I mean if she was serious, wouldn’t she choose someone closer??? And she’s being a jerk because she’s got some confidence about her. Badly placed confidence, though, and that will also come crashing down around her. Listen, it’s tough out there and when the knocks start coming for her (and they will), what is she going to do then? You have an advantage in this situation, you have KNOWLEDGE. I’m willing to bet that she has no idea what is coming next in this process. She is in reaction mode full speed. That is why 2Step is really stressing that you stay out of reaction mode completely.
Your C – yes, I am very concerned about his advice. Sorry, I’m in the minority here and have been a couple of times in regards to reactions to your C’s advice. You have a goal here and I just think you should be supported in that goal because it is a good one. If you wanted to jump off a bridge, then no, I don’t think you should be supported on that. But you want to save your marriage and that’s an excellent goal. And I know he thinks and you think he’s just trying to protect you. But at the end of the day, I don’t think he is. I just have a real hard time with the advice to escalate things when it is your goal to calm them down. It just doesn’t make sense. And I understand what you said about liability, but you had those liabilities in your marriage?? You took that responsibility when you said, “I do.” Now, if she gets out of hand, then it’s time to reevaluate. I get it. But, I don’t think you’re there. So I would do anything possible not to escalate. Time is on your side right now and I would take full advantage of that. She doesn’t want to hand those rings back for a reason. Don’t force her hand by filing before you are ready to end it.
Now, I am really sorry that you had a bad day and you broke down. (((hugs))) All of this is to be expected so don’t put pressure on yourself to feel any other way than how you are feeling. That just prolongs the pain. Just allow yourself to feel it. We are all here for you to listen so keep talking. You may not always believe this, but you are DOING GREAT. You have taught me a few things so I know you know what to do here. I know you know what to expect. Keep working the program, be patient and wait. As I am always being told, change yourself and your W will have to change.
I pray for your peace constantly. Take care of yourself!
