Current situation is she lives in Colorado, immigration has me stuck in Canada thousands of miles away from her, waiting for her to file the paperwork to bring me home to her. She doesn't want me to come home. She doesn't want to complete the paperwork. She has decided she wants a divorce because she wants "True real me time. Time alone with just me and my kids".
Her primary love languages are Quality Time Together, and Physical Touch. She is also a nurse, and is tired of taking care of others. She wants a man who can take care of her.
I have failed her miserably on all counts. I have not provided for her financially, I don't do it for her physically, I am not around when she needs me...it is no wonder she wants out.
She says that she still loves me, but is not sure she's "in love" with me.
Despite all those heavy negatives, we have built a friendship like no other. She is truly my best friend and I believe that I am hers.
Right now we are both feeling angry and confused. Confusion / indecisiveness is a feeling we are both all too familiar with - each of us has been running that pattern for years.
But anger is something new for both us. Or rather something old and never quite expressed. In 4 years together we have only had one fight. But that is not as wonderful as it sounds. It means we have both been unwilling to fight with each other to be, do and have the things that we desire.
Now she has a taken stand - she has clearly stated she wants more. She has shown great respect for herself by showing us both that she deserves more and is no longer willing to settle for anything less than she deserves.
Of course that makes me love and adore her even more.
For now, it is enough that I have this new awareness, and that I have this forum in which to explore my feelings and become a better person. For me.
My wife is not without her faults. There are many things she still believes and does that continue to stand in the way of us living happily ever after together.
The good news is, I know I deserve better, too. It hurts to be without her. The thought of never being with her is devastating.
Things that annoy her are my financial irresponsibility. My forgetfulness / lack of awareness. My inability to satisfy her sexually in ways that she desires.
Putting it all on the table like this sounds like I am on a fool's errand here. Sounds like there really is no hope for us, and she is totally justified in wanting a divorce.
So now let's what I can do about it.
Mike
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
