Here we go AGAIN....

[wanda15]

Okay so I have had a major melt down tonight. The whole thing started when I was at the kids school parent day. I had my time slot for the kids and H had his. He showed up early for it...like 30 mins. I had to see him as I was walking home. Of course he took the route i would take to walk home. There is a different route that was shorter but this way took him past our house and directly to me....pissed me off but I just kept walking....
But later the texts started. I am going to write them here because I do not understand were he was going with it and it sent me into the bathroom crying for 15 minutes tonight. And I have not cried about this for two weeks. So thanks for reading this and here goes the weird night.

H: you have to keep more in the loops i don’t look like a dead beat dad please

Me: what r u talking about

H: money and bills and getting to places

Me: still no idea what u r talking about

H: ok never mind just wanting to help

Me: seriously i do not know what you are talking about....please explain yourself

H: i don’t know how else to say it i just want to help out the best i can

Me: what loop do you think I am out of? Something was said for you to say this stuff

H: no don’t read into it i wishyou could just talk to my face this is to weird

Me: it is. I am doing what is best for me and my kids

H: whatever that is like you want to do it all on your own

Me: nope. Don’t put words in my mouth.i am just doing what i have todo to be who i am....i forgot who that was lately

H: thats fine we all need to find ourself

End of convo. The whole thing was weird. It really sent me for a loop. I did not like seeing him today. I do not like these weird texts. I do not want to feel like this. I re-read this convo and it looks like a bunch of backsliding to me. Now I have to start all over again. The worst part is I don’t even know if I really want this M.
Don’t get me wrong...I love my husband with all my heart. I do not know if he loves himself enough to be able to love me. He is very selfish and is on the path of destruction. I am not sure if I can do this anymore.