Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[Queen_of_Swords]

Personally, I don't think you are discounting any of our feelings, just our experience with this particular matter and everything that surrounds it. (Depression, abondonment, the effects of divorce, love languages, DB principals, healing)

If you do take the time to read PEI's threads, you will see, I gave her a very hard time too. I didn't like her and she didn't like me. I don't know if I can say that we like each other now, we still can rub each other the wrong way once in a while, but we definately have a healthy respect for each other.

Hard time? Cat is being generous with herself …

She’s right, we didn’t like each other. But even though I rubbed her the wrong way, even though she didn’t like me … she posted, she challenged, she pushed … because she still wanted to see me become emotionally healthy. I respect the hell out of her for that. And that is the caliber of the people you find here.

I'm glad you're feeling you won something PEImom, from the things I've read on your various threads, if nothing else you have your self respect.

Self respect?

No that's not all I see. That's the least of what I see. I see a woman that's been emotionally battered and came away better than intact. A woman that clearly likes who she is, has pride in herself, likes her life, and stuck to her own moral code.


That's all you see on my threads? Nothing but self respect?



Scylla, frankly your tone is condecending ... "I'm glad you're feeling you won something PEImom" ... makes it abundantly clear that you feel I have not. And that is sad IMO. See, what I no longer do is define my life by my marriage or my H. It's MY life. I win if I choose too, regardless of who's in and who's out. And almost exactly one year after the bomb I can tell you I would NOT trade this entire experience to get my OLD marriage back. Why not? Because I have never been this healthy, this whole and this ME.

I am sorry you find my "tone" condescending. I don't know what specifically to do to change that impression. Suggestions are welcome.


Scylla, some around here would advise me not to push you too hard, not to ask for too much too soon. We all land here hurt and vulnerable and feeling victimized. You are no different. And no one here faults you for feeling that way, it's a perfectly normal and rational response to the hand you've been dealt.

I get that you came here to save your marriage, and I get that you're pissed and tired and frustrated because the tactics you've tried haven't given you what you want when you want it. They have failed to restore the protective layer, that safe haven, that you feel your marriage provided you.

Until you stop making this about HIM, until you CHOOSE to no longer feel like a victim of the situation ...

Yeah well, I do feel victimized. Especially given the events and how they unfolded and his silence until it was too late for me to DO/CHANGE anything about it. I'm not a mind reader and I didn't know, all I knew was he was unhappy, stressed and tired, not that he laid all his unhappiness at my doorstep.
Sorry I can't live up to expectations of turning off my feelings and not expressing them.

I guess all my chirpy happiness and interest backfired. Tonight he has not phoned the kids. Perhaps he's scared to get me on the other end of the phone.

Can you tell what I'm thinking too?

No, I don't know what you're thinking right now. I'm not Kreskin.
I am speculating and not mind reading.
I did not call H to find out why he did not call the kids. I decided after I wrote the post you're responding to, that really it's H's problem. I worry about my kids and their hurt feelings, but ultimately if H doesn't call them, it's on him.

Perhaps he got a flat, perhaps his cell battery died, perhaps he's a knucklehead and forgot, perhaps the moon is made of green cheese ... you will drive yourself crazy with this stuff.

I hope you choose a path towards wholeness, regardless of the outcome on your marriage ... I have yet to meet someone here who's walked that particular path with regret. Good luck to you.

Thank you.
Peace
PEI