Just got back from spending 3 hours with XH at X-MIL’s birthday celebration. Had a VERY successful evening at X-MILs. A lot of this is journaling, so please bear with me. I want to get this down before bedtime and before I forget. In the next 1-2 days I hope to respond to folks’ comments about whether or not I should push for physical contact vs. should I hold back, so please forgive me. I have read…….and VERY much appreciate everyone’s feedback as always. These discussions help me and I think many others as well.
Missher, you might want to dust off that 2 x 4 or warm up your “finger flick” finger if you’re reading this over your morning coffee. I will be discussing BMF. ☺
The evening went very well and can be summed up like this: (soft muzak plays in the background over video of a room of people celebrating a birthday)
---a chocolate birthday cake from the local bakery: $5.97 ---a pair of warm flannel pajamas given as a birthday gift: $50 ---Mr. GAG demonstrating his iPad while GAG repeatedly brushes her leg up against his and shows great interest in his electronic toy: $500 ---dagger stares and glares from BMF: PRICELESS!
I arrived at X-MIL’s place with kitty shortly after the appointed time. XH and BMF were already there. BMF always makes a big deal of coming up to everyone and hugging them and he immediately began doing this when we arrived, but since it was X-MIL’s birthday I looked at her and said “Happy Birthday X-MIL. The girls are here to party!” I walked up to X-MIL and gave her a big hug and let kitty out of her carrier. Shortly thereafter came the theatrical hug from BMF.
It became very obvious early on that XH doesn’t tell BMF how much I interact with X-MIL, him, and his sister and I took many opportunities to make that point in a way that BMF couldn’t miss (It’s quite possible that BMF doesn’t know that XH and I play TT regularly). For example, immediately when I arrived, I began checking to see if the plants needed watering and trimming dead leaves, just like someone does when they care for a sick person. BMF made some kind of comment about how nice it was for X-MIL to see kitty again and I said “Oh, we come visit every two weeks or so.” I could tell by the look on his face that he had no clue. Later I made some kind of comment about visiting X-MIL in the hospital and when one of the medical assistants came by for the party, I cheerily welcomed her. BMF introduced himself to the assistant and then tried to introduce me to the assistant at which point she said “Oh, we know each other!” I then complimented her on her earrings and we bantered a bit like old friends. At another point I said to XH “Did you show your mother the photo your sister sent of her dogs wishing X-MIL a happy birthday?” XH looked kind of confused and I said “You sister sent the e-mail to both you and me today.” I pulled out the photo and showed everyone. I gave X-MIL one of the cushions I had finished sewing late last night (it turned out well) and I told X-MIL I would bring the others in the next couple weeks (pretty sure XH made a mental note that I had put in the effort to make a gift with my own two hands). When X-MIL was opening her cards I stood behind her chair helping her with my hands on her shoulder while XH took photos. At another point, I pulled out my camera and took video of XH and his mother. XH sat on a chair and I sat on the ottoman, not far from him. Essentially, XH and I were moving around doing the kind of dance that 2 M’ed people do when they are entertaining. BMF just kind of sat there most of the time. There were several times that I looked over at BMF to see what he was doing and he was glaring at me. Inside my head I thought “Yeah!!!!!!” My plan had been to bait BMF to see if he would bad mouth me to XH over the next few weeks. I think that XH is far enough out of the tunnel now to see that if BMF criticizes me for doing nice things for his mother, BMF’s jealousy will be obvious.
BMF stayed about 1½ hours, then left. A short time before BMF left he started talking about how he has taken up snow boarding and hurt his knee (he is 57 years old! DUH!). Then he looked at me and said that he had recently gone skydiving, loved it, and that I should really consider going . It was textbook MLC stuff and kinda sad to see. After BMF left I asked XH about BMF’s new hobbies and if he was going to try any of that. XH said, “Uh, NO! BMF is in some kind of MLC…..has been for awhile.”
After BMF left, XH and I stayed another 1½ hours together with his mother. It was very relaxed and we moved around her studio apt. just like we always did when we lived together, cleaning up the party mess, washing dishes, visiting with his mother. I asked XH about his iPad and he pulled it out and gave me a 20-30 minute demo --- he could have done it in 2-3 minutes if he really wanted to. As Missher suggested, I kept contacting his leg with my leg, put my face next to his several times (I wore his favorite perfume), and put my hands around his shoulders a couple times. I took great interest in what he was showing me and asked several questions. THAT was a big success, so thanks to Missher and Sanderika and anyone else I might be missing for suggesting this. It was VERY interesting to see that the desktop on XH’s iPad is a photo he took in the Vatican Museum on our honeymoon. I briefly saw his photo album and he had LOTS of photos of our life together organized in there. At one point a photo of him at the Vatican Museum came up (taken on our honeymoon) and I said “That’s a nice photo of you. You look very cosmopolitan there.” He said “You took that photo” with a soft, happy memory sound in his voice .
XH kind of waited for me to get all of my stuff pulled together so that we could walk out together (so he didn’t rush out). I picked up kitty and held her up to Mr. GAG and said "Say good-bye to daddy." He rubbed her under her chin and petted her a bit, so definitely not in a huge hurry to get out of there even though it was REALLY warm in her apt. and we were both sweating. Then we walked to our cars, he reached out to hug me good night (warm hug), we got in our cars and drove away. I felt that the night had been pretty successful, so I didn’t want to jinx it by trying a kiss or saying anything sexual. I wanted to leave XH with warm feelings from a nice evening.
That’s what I remember of this evening. Now I think I need to pull back a bit and let Mr. GAG miss me.
Inside my head I thought “Yeah!!!!!!” 
My plan had been to bait BMF to see if he would bad mouth me to XH over the next few weeks. I think that XH is far enough out of the tunnel now to see that if BMF criticizes me for doing nice things for his mother, BMF’s jealousy will be obvious. 
. It was textbook MLC stuff and kinda sad to see. After BMF left I asked XH about BMF’s new hobbies and if he was going to try any of that. XH said, “Uh, NO! BMF is in some kind of MLC…..has been for awhile.”
