Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver, 2step, MJ, Forrest, Dixie, Lostinlife, Xabian, Scared, Lost, Coach, Zengypsy and dbmod -- Thank you so very much to all of you. I can't tell you how nice it is to get on here and find so many responses. It really does help with feeling so lonely. You guys are the best and I am happy to have my BITS around!

OK, here we go. UPDATE: You all know I left her a message last night that we needed to talk. She never called. She didn't even call today. She finally called tonight around 7pm. She was a bit freaked because she could not answer the calls coming from my grandmother. She is all worried that my grandmother is going to think she is a "b*tch (her words, not mine)." I assured her that I would visit my GM on Sunday and tell her the news. She went on and on worrying about what my GM would think. I continued to politely assure her I would take care of everything. Then she proceeds to tell me that she was sorry that she didn't call last night, but she had a female coworker over to help her decorate her new place and the friend left close to midnight. NICE!!! Let me get this straight??? That is why you couldn't call me for five minutes to talk about the GM she has loved for 15 years??? Because you had a friend over??!?!? OK, FOBD, deep relaxing breaths...

Anyway, the rest of the conversation was her proudly telling me that she is going to spend this weekend shopping for new stuff and that she was hooking up a new wireless modem in her apartment. So, she seems to be happily flaunting it in my face that she is getting settled. Again... nice, my love. She wants to come over on Saturday to get her stereo and to return some things she borrowed for the move. I told her I would have to see what the weekend held before I would commit to anything. Folks, I still love her so much. But I have known her for 15 years and I am not an idiot. I can tell when she is trying to push my buttons and it is starting to piss me off. (Deep breaths, buddy. Deep breaths!) Since she got back from her trip to Canada in October (where the EA started), she has been really manipulative and kind of a jerk at times. But, I will press on.

OK, now to the stuff you guys sent to me:

2step, the hand is very sore and discolored. I think the knuckle on my index finger may be in trouble. We will see. At least the bleeding stopped on Sunday. None the less, thanks for asking. Yes, from this point forward, I am making a promise to all my BITS... no more punching things!

Forrest, I like your style and I do want to answer your questions:

1) Definitely #1. That is a huge "no no" in my book. But, I do admit that it happened right after the S and she was probably looking for some sort of attention. I don't think it has gone PA as he lives in Canada and we live in a Gulf Coast state. In time, I will let this go. It is just too fresh right now.

2) My C is concerned about her "games" because he thinks that her level of instability is a bit too high and that she could be setting herself up for a serious fall. Also, he is worried about how her B/S is effecting me. Remember, he thinks I am paying him to protect me. He is just doing his job.

(Many of you are concerned about his advice. I don't blame you. As I have stated before, he is kind of a drill instructor. But, he is very good at his job. He was highly recommended and is very popular. I have to book two weeks in advance for every session. And, he makes me think about things in way I never did before. I do throw out some of his advice from time to time. For example, after she pulled that stunt in November, he told me to change the locks. I didn't and that was a good thing. I think that would have made things worse. But, I can't lie. At times, I have thought about finding a C that is more into saving my marriage instead of saving me.)

3) The nice lunch with the pretty lady was just that, lunch. The thought of my W dating right now would destroy me, so why do I think I have the right to do the same thing to her. So, dating for me is OUT right now, without question. I wanted your opinions on this and I value it. Thank you for setting me straight. That is why I come here.

2step and Denver,
I like the way you dissected my list also. Your logic is sound. The list means nothing. All of it can be reversed. If you submit a change of address form and change your mind, you just submit another one, right? Nothing here is detrimental to her return, should there be one. She is just getting her life in order and I should not let it bother me.

Now, this part goes out to the group. As for filing the LS and eventual D to protect me, that is a liability thing. In my state, if you file six months after S, you are not liable for their actions or debt retro back to the date that one spouse abandoned the marriage. So, right now, while S'ed, I am still on the hook for anything stupid she might do. If she goes out tonight, gets drunk and hits something causing herself to get sued, I am liable. That is mainly what I am concerned about. Since she left, she has already opened a line of credit with her dentist to pay for some work she could not afford. Guess what? I am on the hook for that should she default.

Now, that is from the legal perspective. From the personal perspective, I waiver from day to day. But, Denver, you are right. Two weeks ago I would have walked through fire to save this woman. I would have taken a bullet to the head for her. I need to remember this and take some time to really figure out what is best for me. On March 6th, I can file for legal S, so I still have some time to DB. Honestly, I love you guys and I don't want to lie to you. I have been thinking about this very seriously, but thinking is as far as I am going to go right now. Scout's honor!

Today was a bad day. I broke down in the car on the way home. Ever since I moved from anger to acceptance, I have been much more emotional and unstable. But, that is to be expected.

I do think I want to work with a DB coach. Would either dbmod or Coach send me some details on how to get this going. Deep in my heart, I still think my W just really wants a break from us. You know, in almost five months of S, just has repeatedly claimed it is over and has moved out. But not once, not once, has she used the word DIVORCE in front of me. And she still got upset when I asked for the rings back. If she was done and ready to completely kill our M, why in the heck would she care about our rings. For right now, she seems to be perfectly fine with this purgatory we are in.... I hate it. But I love her and I will wait. What else can I do?

BITS, you are the best. I hope all of you have the very best day tomorrow.

FOBD