Well, my H, the first time he left, hours before told me that he had been on online porn sites off and on a few times when I was away. I said what were you looking at and he said people who seemed to be really into sex. I mean, frankly, I was not a sex addict but I was really "into" sex. No one would dispute it. What hurt me even worse, if this makes sense, was that he was looking at "real people" having sex on the web. Not pros. Real women. That kind of freaked me out. I felt like I could "get" the whole "pros" doing it. I didn't mind watching porn myself. But real women? Putting it online? I mean really was he sick?? That girl could live down the street from us! That girl could be a minor, for god's sake.
He had nothing to say other than that he didn't feel sexually fulfilled. And yet we had sex often and by anyone's account, it was very good. But who can say what's in the MLCer's head?
The only thing I can say is that perhaps, PERHAPS, this is a symptom of a larger problem: the larger problem being a search for identity and sense of self. And if you aren't happy with your sense of self, and you say "this is who I am: I'm a guy who sleeps with my wife among other things" you start to look for things that do not FIT that sense of self, in fact, the very opposite.
It has nothing to do with you. Please understand that. I spent a long time comparing myself last year to whatever image he saw on the internet. It's not you. It's your spouse.
I'm sorry you are going through this. (((HUGS)))
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
