Xabian, You really sound well. That realization is hard, isn't it? I am right there. I want the fairy tale too. I think my husband will spend his time drinking with his friend (alcoholic in a bad marriage), reminiscing about the good old days (when they were 15~grow up!), and either sleep with some skank or end up back at the strip clubs before long. It sounds like you are moving forward.You really sound confident! It is so important to have that family support! I have it with my FIL, believe it or not. He is so upset that his son would do this to his grandson.
I have mostly let go of it - but realize it is a process. Most days it is not an issue, and I use thought stopping when it creeps in. Then I move on to try to do something fun/productive. The hardest time is when I am alone and my son is with him.I really miss my son so much! I am trying to reframe that time as time for me to recharge and take care of my own needs, but I would prefer to be with him. Does your wife spend much time with your children?
I am looking at getting the house ready for sale too. It sounds like the actions your wife has taken are helping you to let go somewhat. Do you ever find yourself angry at her movement away (separate accounts and bedroom)? I find myself angry at anything that my H does to stall (leaving clothes here, keeping his key, not filing for separation/divorce). It is disrespectful, and I have told him as much.
I want to let go of the anger - I know it is keeping me from fully detaching. I'm working on this with my therapist, and she is encouraging me to fully experience it (I have stifled much of it in an effort to DB and improve things - not being a doormat, but just by being considerate in the way I expressed my feelings, using appropriate language, not accusing (now I am letting it fly which I never did. It feels good temporarily. I will probably start journaling it rather than really saying it. I see that it is not productive. All a part of the process.
Thanks for reading my post. I read yours and others and learn much about this journey. It helps.
