I WILL Attain my Goals - Personal and M

[FellOnBlackDays]

Denver,
Sorry, I hit the send button too soon. I had quite a bit more to say. First, I think this is a great sign. But I still think you need to be careful of what you here from your FIL. Your FIL and MIL may want to see you two back together and could warp the truth to push you to pursue. Once a week, my maternal grandmother calls my mother to ask her if I have gone back to my wife. She doesn't understand that my W did the walking. All she knows is that she wants us back together. So, be careful. You have come so far at this point, don't spoil it. Take your time.

Just tell your FIL that you still love her and you are going to do everything in your power to get her back and leave it at that. Don't mention the "experts" you are talking to. He might mention it to your W and your cover will be blown. She will then know that you are being coached and are not being genuine.

Our BITS brothers are right though. This plan is not "one size fits all," so you will have to judge how to start working your way back into her life. But, also, don't forget to keep an even keel with this. Don't set yourself up for an emotional fall should she pull back again. Remember, you are dealing with a WAS. According to my C, a WAS is one of the most emotionally unstable individuals around.

None the less, I am so happy for you, man. Your work is starting to pay off. I can't wait to put another point on the board for the BITS!! Just promise me you won't abandon us once you get your world in order. BITS never walk alone!

FOBD

[MrBond]

There are no strict DB rules. When you see a window, you are going to have to determine if the time is right to engage.

I would say you should not go overboard with the positive response. Let her slowly come to you and show her that it's safe for her to do so.

[Denver_2010]

I hear you FOBD, on all counts. The one thing that i haven't mentioned is that my FIL is really far removed from my W. He is actually her step dad and not close to her at all. He became part of her life the year before she graduated from H.S. and then she moved away. So they're not very bonded. W would never tell FIL something personal. W's mom, on the other hand, is very close to W. W's mom has gone dark on me since the beginning of this. Not bc she doesn't want us to work it out, but bc she didn't want it to appear that she was taking my side over her own daughter's. So W's mom would never tell me any of this stuff that I have been hearing. FIL is telling me stuff he hears from w's mom which he is not suppose to tell me. It all hearsay stuff so i do need to be careful with the info, but its also my only window into what is going on with W.

And I promise not to leave these boards until every man and woman is successful. Leave no man/woman behind!!

BITS
DEnver

[Denver_2010]

MJ - No, not meeting with FIL again after I ran into him. He was able to tell me what he needed to tell.

2Step - I think that what you wrote is good advice. I need to tread carefully.

BTW, FIL is not really my W's dad. It is her step dad and they do not have a close relationship at all. He's more of a fly on the wall over at W's mom's house. W's mom is in my corner, but she went dark on me at the beginning of this so that she wouldn't come across as not being supportive of her own daughter. Every time I speak with FIL it is her exact words that FIL heard that I am most interested in hearing. ... Such as "if Denver plays his cards right he could with W back".

BITS!
Denver

[Denver_2010]

There are no strict DB rules. When you see a window, you are going to have to determine if the time is right to engage.

I would say you should not go overboard with the positive response. Let her slowly come to you and show her that it's safe for her to do so.

Bond - thanks for weighing in. I think your words are great advice! Kind of like getting a squirrel to come over to me, right? No sudden movements!

So far so good!

I also want to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to read my thread every night. It means so much to have all of your support. I don't provide nearly the amount of info to my friends and family that I do on this board. Simply bc it is you all that understand... that have come closest to walking in my shoes.

BITS!!
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Hope, Dixie, Gypsy, Lost, Sandi, I'd love it if you guys took a look at my updates and give me your two cents on how I should proceed.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Journal Update

1/27/11

Positive interaction with W continued. W texted me in the middle of her work day about the credit that she is getting on our cell phone plan wondering what she should do. We texted a few times on that.

A little later, I initiated text to W to see if she had been able to get everything done today that she had going on. She had a very busy day.

W: "SS has pink eye to I cancelled guitar lessons and rehearsal. Wrote a letter for one of my students facing deportation. About to do grading and lesson plans. I work constantly!"

Me: "Want me to do your lesson plans for you?? :-)"

W: "LOL! That would be entertaining I'm sure!"

Me: "Movies and comic books for the kids!"

a little later

W: "Facts about marketing to children... persuasive writing. Not nearly as exciting."

Me: "The cure to my sleeping problems!! :)"

W: "Yeah... mine too but I still get about 4-6 hours per night."

a little later

Me: "I just called SS to see how his pink eye is and he told me that its in both eyes now? Is he ok?"

W:"Yeah it looks like it. I'm waiting for dr to call. NOt sure if he can go back to school tomorrw. He says he wants to go back. Odd! He must be sick!"

Me: "LOL... Yeah, he posted that he wants to go back to school on FB too. Maybe we've finally discovered the cure for SS's dislike of school... make him spend lots of time with grandpa!!"

W: "No sh!t. I'd go back to middle school too!"

Me: "Well, let me know if I can do anything to help. I told him that I'd take him to a movie on Saturday night as long as its ok with u"

W: "I'm sure that he'd be thrilled not to have to be with grandpa all day and night on Saturday."

Me: "My ambien is starting to kick in. Think I'm going to bed. Sleep tight..."

W: "I'm cutting butcher paper for my classes tomorrow anyway and need to get seth to bed soon. Talk to you soon. Night."
----------

While talking with SS on the phone, he told me that W made the following statement after leaving the coffee shop where I saw them last night. She said to SS...

"I still love Denver... I just need some time"

I wish that I trusted the ability of an 11 year old boy to accurately quote someone. Oh well, I will take it!!!

BITS!!
Denver

D

[grr]

hi denver....woman's perspective
i think that is a good sign, however i agree with mr bond.
keep your cool and let her come to you, while giving slight encouragement
we, as women, are afraid of rejection, yet if you show too much interest, she will back off

[Denver_2010]

Thanks grr. I think that you guys are right.

[what next?]

always making us walk a tight rope, eh grr?!