I am new to DB so please forgive any ignorance on my part. I need help dealing with my feelings towards the OW.
Here is a brief history of the A: Discover A at the end of July 2003 ... his work phone bill extremely high. Phone calls to NY at 12:30 AM our time/ 3:30 AM her time. Odd. Offered to challenge the phone calls with phone company. H says ... "oh probably mine. I've been dealing with NY a lot lately with work" At 12:30 AM? Odd. Reverse search on phone #. Ahhh ... OW's name appears. Internet search on OW's name. Ahhh ... see OW's picture, find OW's weblog, find OW is a lawyer. Confront H. H admits to A. H met her on-line. Just friends. OW was helping him work on our marriage. B.S.!
H spent $1000 to fly to NY and spend weekend with OW in July. Lied/business trip. Supposedly no sex occurred.
I demand A ends and no other contact. Yep, lies & contact with OW all through August. Found post on another divorce site from H about how H had fallen in love with OW. OW was his soulmate. F**K You OW and H.
OW calls business line nite before my b-day. I confront OW. Tell OW she's not welcome to call my home, talk to my H, or inflict any more pain on my children. H sends good-bye letter to OW supposedly at beginning of September.
It's been rocky at best since then. There are times I just wonder why I am still here. H & OW are still in contact by visiting each other's weblogs even though they are supposedly done! H sees no problem with this. I do!
In searching OW weblog, find OW is dating 2 other married men after H. H denies connection/pattern to his own relationship w/OW, but admits it in his weblog.
At first, H was talking about D. Backed off when I told H that H would have to tell kids why H was leaving. Then, I got so tired with the continued lying and pain I started talking about D-ing him. That I think shocked him.
We are in a holding pattern right now. Our therapist basically told us she couldn't help us anymore mid October. How bad is that to be thrown out on your ear by the therapist? How f****d up is our relationship?
I went into a tailspin after that. Bottomed out roughly 2 wks ago. Did find a book to help. I love my husband very much and want to work on keeping it together. Problem? Even when he does stuff for me, it's just not the same. I don't know if it is still too soon or are my feelings so deeply damaged that there is no recovery? I was hurt so much and cut so deeply by his writings, his lies, this whole A.
I find it very hard to let go of my resentment and hatred towards the OW. She knowlingly got involved with a married man. No lies or deception on H's part. OW knew he was married ... had kids ... he even sent OW pictures of kids. (really burns me!) H is not the type to go seeking OW. If OW had morals to stay away from married men, then H would have crawled back into his hole. This of course would not have helped our marriage, but maybe H would have felt guilty enough to start working on R.
I want to chew OW out and alert the world to her behavior. But, obviously OW sees nothing wrong in dating and pursuing married men (evidenced by her weblog clearly stating her potential boyfriends and their marital status). W/my H that makes 3 married men in less than 3 months time. How many more has OW dated that we don't know of?
How many more families is OW going to ruin and put through this pain because of her selfish needs? I feel the need to protect other families & to expose OW for who OW is. I want my H to stand up for me and see OW's true colors. How do I deal with these feelings?
Help me before hatred consumes me! I think this is the big stumbling block I am facing right now preventing my recovery and appreciation of the changes my H has tried to make.
VelvetPear
With time and patience, the mulberry leaf becomes a silk gown.
~Chinese Proverb~
