Drive The Bus, Or Be The Passenger?

[Kemper]

You've had a longer and tougher road that I ever had.

It hasn't been as long as others on the board and I am greatful for that. I have been trying to put myself in my W's shoes and think about how this must be impacting her. While I had my faults in our M, I didn't choose to escape with an OP. I have no idea how hard it must be to face yourself knowing you took a path that would have destroyed your family and caused tremendous pain on your S. While this process isn't easy for me I know it probably isn't easy for W either.

We need to be consistent with our actions and allow our Ws to open up to us. I am sure that they feel uncomfortable and potentially fear what our reactions might be.

Do you guys not hold hands because she doesn't want to, or because you haven't tried? Have you paid attention to what the marital complaints are and focused on improving yourself to address those?

It is a roller coaster for sure, but I keep thinking about how I want to live my life, what I need in a R, and how I want to be able to look back and know I lived my life in a way that I am happy with.

I am hoping that my W will open up once she feels comfortable with me and knows that I won't attack. We men suck at just listening and I keep catching myself but I know it is something that I will need to continue to work on. My W is awesome at it, she can just sit and listen and say very few words. Honestly it is funny because it works, the less she talks the more she gets out of me.

I can't wait for Retrouvaille to be honest. I have a friend that just got back from marriage boot camp and he was trying to talk me into going to that instead. However, at this time I have committed to Retro and will re-evaluate the boot camp if and when the time requires it.

It is so good to hear how the weekend has transformed individuals and couples alike. I know that both my W and I have issues that we need to resolve about ourselves that lead to issues in our M. I am hopefull that we are both open to looking deep inside and building a stronger M because of it.