I'm pleased that you had a nice TT visit last night. I do however read something into his behavior.
Last week he was very engaging and flirty on his own. This week he was very stand-offish and behaving more cold, like they get when they feel we are getting too close.
Missher, this is my exact fear! This happens every time we (ladies) try and get too close. We get flirty and touchy and they engage for a very brief period and then turn away and seem more to push us away. It's a dance that gets G-D frustrating. I have lived it so many times, thus I caution now at getting too close to my H and advise others to play it cool a while longer to make sure of emotions. I have to think GAG experienced this same thing last night.
I find it very interesting that he brought up the anonymous package in conversation at the end of your visit. He was prying for more information. This subject still bothers him.
I have the thoughts that he was pre-occupied all evening with thoughts unrelated to the game or company. He may have been in a good mood....Why was he sullen, untalkative and IMO somewhat cold.
The comment to your question regarding how BMF and BMF's XW are getting along is very interesting as well. He didn't answer your question instead mentioned that BMF doesn't mind HIS contact with BMF's XW. What are the dynamics between XH and BMF's XW?
GAG, my wishes for tonight are that all goes very well or even better at X-MIL birthday party. Since BMF will be there, good luck that you can entertain him without any negative feelings.
Have a wonderful day and I hope you finished up the chair pads.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Interesting he has pulled away again, I find when Mr Rabbit does this I pull back too and wait.. instead of chasing and pursing I ask if hes alright once and leave him, just behave as normal.. when hes come out of his cave he will return and some times he will explain why and some times not.. no longer do I need to know every minutie (sp) of what he is doing, which in turns makes him feel he needs to tell me lol!
Also Missher is bang on.. cuddles are super important to Mr Rabbit.. so make sure the hugs are nice and long but not lingery if you know what I mean, a good firm sorta manhug if that makes sense you know the sort that mean freindship and affection but dont chase him off thinking you are lusting after him lol!
Hope birthday goes well and Mr GAG has cheered up!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
GAG - sounds to me like H is going through a break up or thinking about a break up with GF2...obviously he is processing what it all means...you...her...give him space to figure it out. Hope you have a nice time at MIL's B-Day and she likes her gift....how thoughtful of you to make that for her...can't wait for the report
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
It's lovely to see how much you are maintaining control over your own actions and acting with sensibility and care, not pushing too much, but doing the right thing. I'm glad to hear that you're so positive. I think positivity can be contagious on this board!
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
Just got back from spending 3 hours with XH at X-MIL’s birthday celebration. Had a VERY successful evening at X-MILs. A lot of this is journaling, so please bear with me. I want to get this down before bedtime and before I forget. In the next 1-2 days I hope to respond to folks’ comments about whether or not I should push for physical contact vs. should I hold back, so please forgive me. I have read…….and VERY much appreciate everyone’s feedback as always. These discussions help me and I think many others as well.
Missher, you might want to dust off that 2 x 4 or warm up your “finger flick” finger if you’re reading this over your morning coffee. I will be discussing BMF. ☺
The evening went very well and can be summed up like this: (soft muzak plays in the background over video of a room of people celebrating a birthday)
---a chocolate birthday cake from the local bakery: $5.97 ---a pair of warm flannel pajamas given as a birthday gift: $50 ---Mr. GAG demonstrating his iPad while GAG repeatedly brushes her leg up against his and shows great interest in his electronic toy: $500 ---dagger stares and glares from BMF: PRICELESS!
I arrived at X-MIL’s place with kitty shortly after the appointed time. XH and BMF were already there. BMF always makes a big deal of coming up to everyone and hugging them and he immediately began doing this when we arrived, but since it was X-MIL’s birthday I looked at her and said “Happy Birthday X-MIL. The girls are here to party!” I walked up to X-MIL and gave her a big hug and let kitty out of her carrier. Shortly thereafter came the theatrical hug from BMF.
It became very obvious early on that XH doesn’t tell BMF how much I interact with X-MIL, him, and his sister and I took many opportunities to make that point in a way that BMF couldn’t miss (It’s quite possible that BMF doesn’t know that XH and I play TT regularly). For example, immediately when I arrived, I began checking to see if the plants needed watering and trimming dead leaves, just like someone does when they care for a sick person. BMF made some kind of comment about how nice it was for X-MIL to see kitty again and I said “Oh, we come visit every two weeks or so.” I could tell by the look on his face that he had no clue. Later I made some kind of comment about visiting X-MIL in the hospital and when one of the medical assistants came by for the party, I cheerily welcomed her. BMF introduced himself to the assistant and then tried to introduce me to the assistant at which point she said “Oh, we know each other!” I then complimented her on her earrings and we bantered a bit like old friends. At another point I said to XH “Did you show your mother the photo your sister sent of her dogs wishing X-MIL a happy birthday?” XH looked kind of confused and I said “You sister sent the e-mail to both you and me today.” I pulled out the photo and showed everyone. I gave X-MIL one of the cushions I had finished sewing late last night (it turned out well) and I told X-MIL I would bring the others in the next couple weeks (pretty sure XH made a mental note that I had put in the effort to make a gift with my own two hands). When X-MIL was opening her cards I stood behind her chair helping her with my hands on her shoulder while XH took photos. At another point, I pulled out my camera and took video of XH and his mother. XH sat on a chair and I sat on the ottoman, not far from him. Essentially, XH and I were moving around doing the kind of dance that 2 M’ed people do when they are entertaining. BMF just kind of sat there most of the time. There were several times that I looked over at BMF to see what he was doing and he was glaring at me. Inside my head I thought “Yeah!!!!!!” My plan had been to bait BMF to see if he would bad mouth me to XH over the next few weeks. I think that XH is far enough out of the tunnel now to see that if BMF criticizes me for doing nice things for his mother, BMF’s jealousy will be obvious.
BMF stayed about 1˝ hours, then left. A short time before BMF left he started talking about how he has taken up snow boarding and hurt his knee (he is 57 years old! DUH!). Then he looked at me and said that he had recently gone skydiving, loved it, and that I should really consider going . It was textbook MLC stuff and kinda sad to see. After BMF left I asked XH about BMF’s new hobbies and if he was going to try any of that. XH said, “Uh, NO! BMF is in some kind of MLC…..has been for awhile.”
After BMF left, XH and I stayed another 1˝ hours together with his mother. It was very relaxed and we moved around her studio apt. just like we always did when we lived together, cleaning up the party mess, washing dishes, visiting with his mother. I asked XH about his iPad and he pulled it out and gave me a 20-30 minute demo --- he could have done it in 2-3 minutes if he really wanted to. As Missher suggested, I kept contacting his leg with my leg, put my face next to his several times (I wore his favorite perfume), and put my hands around his shoulders a couple times. I took great interest in what he was showing me and asked several questions. THAT was a big success, so thanks to Missher and Sanderika and anyone else I might be missing for suggesting this. It was VERY interesting to see that the desktop on XH’s iPad is a photo he took in the Vatican Museum on our honeymoon. I briefly saw his photo album and he had LOTS of photos of our life together organized in there. At one point a photo of him at the Vatican Museum came up (taken on our honeymoon) and I said “That’s a nice photo of you. You look very cosmopolitan there.” He said “You took that photo” with a soft, happy memory sound in his voice .
XH kind of waited for me to get all of my stuff pulled together so that we could walk out together (so he didn’t rush out). I picked up kitty and held her up to Mr. GAG and said "Say good-bye to daddy." He rubbed her under her chin and petted her a bit, so definitely not in a huge hurry to get out of there even though it was REALLY warm in her apt. and we were both sweating. Then we walked to our cars, he reached out to hug me good night (warm hug), we got in our cars and drove away. I felt that the night had been pretty successful, so I didn’t want to jinx it by trying a kiss or saying anything sexual. I wanted to leave XH with warm feelings from a nice evening.
That’s what I remember of this evening. Now I think I need to pull back a bit and let Mr. GAG miss me.
Great recap GAG, that was a very successful evening in terms of interaction with XH...I liked how BMF was shocked how big a part you now play in XH & X-MIL lives. I also liked that you listened to your intuition and didn't press anything sexual....the "accidental" touches were just perfect.
Quote:
Now I think I need to pull back a bit and let Mr. GAG miss me
I tend to agree with that
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
You have, without a doubt, left him WANTING MORE OF YOU!!!
Kuddos to you for the interactions with BMF, the goal you had in mind was a huge success, I am sure BMF will have a convo with XH (if not already) very soon.
It was so nice for X-MIL to have such a lovely birthday party and XH has you to thank for making it a wonderful occasion for her.
XH apparently has a big interest in photos, you can definitely use this topic to your advantage down the road. It is so huge that he enjoys you being in them and the fact that you took many of his favorites. In a MLC state of mind, photos are one of the first things they purge themselves from for a variety of reasons: one being memories they are trying desperately to run from and another revolves around the OW's dislike for seeing us in anything involving......"Her Man".
Gosh this is so exciting....You are doing everything right. Time and patience and slow and steady. I, too, like your idea of pulling back and let XH make the next move. I think you will hear from him very soon.
I am so happy for you today
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Well hed have to be a enuarch (sp) not to surrender to you GAG, absolutely perfect every last bit, now make him miss you, step back and let him chase a bit..
This is so remeniscent of me reeling Mr Rabbit back in its spooky, I didnt have any direct contact with him weekly till after my little cats accident, to be blunt I seduced him then kept leaving little titbits, he kept coming back to visit the cat and staying longer and longer..
After hes missed you we need to find more situations to keep him in your company longer, its seems such a long time gaining a little ground week after week but dont rush things its worth it in the end..
Keep at it kiddo you definitely got this down to a fine art!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Inside my head I thought “Yeah!!!!!!” 
My plan had been to bait BMF to see if he would bad mouth me to XH over the next few weeks. I think that XH is far enough out of the tunnel now to see that if BMF criticizes me for doing nice things for his mother, BMF’s jealousy will be obvious. 
. It was textbook MLC stuff and kinda sad to see. After BMF left I asked XH about BMF’s new hobbies and if he was going to try any of that. XH said, “Uh, NO! BMF is in some kind of MLC…..has been for awhile.”