Someone suggest H is having a MLC....I don't know?

[cat04]

Scylla,

My post, didn't really require a response. Although I appreciate that you took the time to read it. And reread it.

I realize that sometimes, when those of us who have been here for a long time post to others, you don't really get that we have all been through this.

It can be assumed, since we are posting here, but to actually read someone's story, can help you understand them a little bit better. We all come here damaged. We all come here looking for something that is going to give us the "key" to save our marriage.

Unfortunately, there isn't one. We can tell you what doesn't work. We can help you try to find what does, for you. Even those who have saved their marriage, from MLC, will tell you that there is no one specific thing that you can do. Except heal yourself. Know yourself. Get to a place where you can make choices without regrets.

It takes time. It takes forgivness. Of those who have hurt you, recently and in the past. Of yourself. For things that you did, ways you acted. Finding forgivness is difficult. Some feel that it is saying that their (and our own) actions were ok. It isn't. It is just a way to release the negative feelings and thoughts that we have when we are hurt. To release the things that we hold onto, that hold us back.

And it takes patience with yourself. Healing from wounds is difficult. Sometimes, we think we are healed, and we really aren't. Something reminds you of a past hurt that you thought you were over, and you feel that pain, plus new, all over again. When you are really over something, that doesn't happen. It takes time and patience, self caring, leaving resentments behind and looking at things differently. Sometimes as an outsider.

They say that every cloud has a silver lining and I agree. You just sometimes have to look really hard to find it. Once you do, that is what you need to focus on.

I want to echo to you what Jack said about looking too far down the road. You can't plan for a year from now when you don't know what tomorrow is going to bring.

You also need to make your decisions, whatever they are, for you. Not because someone said this or that or has whatever opinion they may have about something. You are the one that has to live with the consequences of your choices, not anyone else.

Good luck Scylla, in where ever this journey takes you.