DB'ing but it's a daily struggle - need support 2

[ScaredinCanada]

Ya I hear you guys. I have no thoughts that things or on "cruise control" or anything close.

I just like that my W may finally be coming somewhat of the "fog". She would hate to her me say that.

Regardless I understand she will hold onto some of these "fantasy" thoughts, because I think anyone would dream about being happy with there R and M.

She's also struggling with feelings that she may never have loved me or she married me because when she cheated on me before our first wedding that she saw the grass wasn't greener on the other side (she used those words exactly).

Although at times it made me feel like she was saying that she "settled" for me which I really don't think is fair.

I have mixed emotions about the whole process, I mean I told my W very clearly that I am changing for me and that it's not specifically to do with her, other than she's the one who drove the truck that hit me that finally caused me to wake up.

I wonder to myself sometimes if it's really worth it, if I might be happier with someone else or even happier on my own. Most of that fear is driven by the position I'm in.

What if even if/when we reconcile, my W continues to have fantasy thoughts about "something better"? I don't want to find myself a similar position years down the road.

IDK, I think if you are able to seperate emotions I don't think you might the same choices...good or bad.

For now I love my W, and I am going to continue to work hard to be the man I know I can be, and hopefully that's good enough for everyone in my life including my W.

W is working tonight, so I'll likely limit discussions with her but will make an effort to be pleasant and happy around her.