Another person in a crisis. Oct. 21, 2010 my wife asked me to move out. It was the only feasible thing to do after I tried to fight her about it, I have family in the area and she has none. So I moved in with my cousin. We have been married for 17 years, two kids the house and all that jazz. I didn't know it at the time but I had some significant anger issues. I couldn't even listen to friends or family about the issues. I actually thought I was doing everything how I should. I decided after I got booted out that I would go see a Therapist. Well I guess I got a rude awakening. I am disappointed in myself for not recognizing it earlier. But I just want to become the best father and husband that I can. I now am much calmer and I don't fly off the handle or get mad over the small things. I know I don't want to break up my family. Now that I have read Divorce Busting I realize I have done almost everything wrong. I wrote her numerous e-mails telling her that she had to try and give me another chance. Pretty much a begging crying mess. Which none of has worked.
My wife and I were drinking pretty heavy together almost every night. Before this all happened. I actually thought that we were having a great time and getting along awesome. So I wasn't worried about my marriage. I look back now and see that we were destroying our marriage by living in a fog. The last time I drank we were separated and I was with her drinking. She told me that she has seen me improve but she didn't see us staying together. I being under the mind improving alcohol got angry and told her to move 900 miles away to be with her parents. Needless to say she called her father about 1:00 AM and asked if she could move home. I being upset at myself for getting mad at the situation, have talked her into staying and me just leaving her alone and all the space that she needs. I was upset because I pay all the bills at the house and she was living their rent free. She is still in the house I have stopped drinking and we speak to each other in a friendly manner. I told her that I was giving up on us ever getting back together and moving on with my life. She is now going to pay all of the utilities and I am going to make the house payment. I really wish I wouldn't have told her that I was moving on with my life. But I did so now I just need to see what happens. She told me last night that she knows I want to save the marriage she just doesn't see it happening. I said I am just going to live my life and be a great dad to my kids. She said she was going to give herself a year before she starts dating or anything like that. That is a good sign.
What I know that my wife doesn't like about me anymore.
1. She says she has no respect for me. I don't know how to get her to respect me again.
2. She doesn't like that I was mean to the kids when I had my anger issues. I have this one pretty much whipped. My youngest daughter 11 has hung out with me every day this week and we have had a great time. The oldest daughter 17 is still in a work in progress she is scared I will go back to the yelling and this all might be fake.
3. Trust. I have racked up credit card debt and not told her about it. I used to check her cell phone because I was paranoid she was getting ready to cheat.
I know me or my wife have never cheated on each other. The thing is I seen my mother cheat on my dad as a kid and I have fears that it might happen with my wife. I know she wouldn’t but I still have that little voice telling me it could happen.
In a nut shell that is my crappy situation.
Me 44 W 38 M 18 D 18 D 13 Bomb 10/21/2010 Divorced 7/19/2011 Just getting to the 7th inning!
