If my W and I were in a better place than I probably would've be okay with what she did and I only got peeved about it when I thought about it later. But we aren't.
Oh, see I don't know about that... I think lots of couples tend to do that, even when marriages are in that 'better place'. Don't worry that it's because you're not. It's OK to be peeved!! That doesn't mean you're not in a good or improving place.
The problem is just learning how to ask in an assertive, loving way, for what you need in a long term intimate relationship. The longer you're in it, the harder it gets to communicate because you don't want to rock the boat, right? You're saying such similar things that I did... don't want them to cave, but you're mad, but you're afraid of making your needs shown... I can so relate. Try not to look at it too negatively, that your not yet 'in a better place'. I see it is that you ARE in a better place and now your communication skills have to step up accordingly.
I know it's a struggle to have such conflicting emotions and to have the courage to communicate through them ... yes it is a fearful thing wondering how it will be received. I think your MC can be a huge help with this, so be sure to bring it up. Be patient with yourself on this. It takes a long time.
PS - One thing my IC said to me the other day that might help, is that it's can actually be a good thing to learn how to have those conversations on those minor things first. They're less emotionally charged, so they're good 'practice ground' for the 'biggies'. The other thing my IC said to me that really helped was 'practice, practice, practice'. When you're communicating your needs, rehearse what you might say; consider what her reaction might be and think about how you're respond.
Let us know how your MC session goes tomorrow, hey? Stay positive!
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
