Lighthouse lit until WAW comes out of fog 2

[habitacker]

phoenix, good point about the Joe Perfect.

In my validation talk last night, this was discussed. All this time, everything I have been doing was not believed by her, it was all seen as pursuing.

I love it because she brought it up which gave me an opening to show her the changes were not all about her. I told her the truth, that in the beginning the things I was doing were what she thought they were, pursuing, I didn't know what else to do.

I said, "Everything I am doing now, is for me, it makes me feel like a better man,father and husband. Although I want to work on my marriage, I don't have a lot of time for that right now, because I have a lot of work to do on myself".

I did way to much talking, but she did some also. I was always sure to say things like, "yes, your right", "I know,your exactly right", "I agree", " I never saw it that way,thanks for showing me". Most of the time the reactions from me were not fake, she is right.

I was also sure to try and look her in the eye, and show attentive body language. Which in the first minute I needed to fake, but after that it just flowed. It wasn't fake anymore, I was listening, and I was agreeing with her.

I learned a lot about what she was feeling. Not so much now,but in the past. Not only did I go to her just to validate her feelings, and I tried to show her where I was at also, but it got turned around on me. All of a sudden she is telling me about how she felt. I learned a lot.

I was feeling pretty good about the real changes that I had made for myself. After talking with her, I have a lot more work to do. I am glad though, she told me things I would not of seen on my own.

It has always bothered me that I could never see how she tried. (pre-bomb). I have mentioned in the past about the last few times we ML, that I could see her getting teary eyed. I would ask her about it, and she would say,"I don't know,nothing".

Looking at this now, it makes me mad because how am I supposed to know what is wrong with that kind of answer?

I asked her about this, She didn't know either. She knew something was wrong, she just didn't understand what. So she wasn't necessarily holding her feelings in, she didn't understand her feelings. This is where having a validation talk to let her know I understand her feelings, actually turned in to me understanding her feelings.

One thing I would like others comments on, these teary eyed ML occasions were happening only 2 weeks from the bomb. She said she wasn't sure of the reason for the teary eyes. She knew something was wrong, just not sure what. Does this sound like a woman who was planning an escape? I don't wish to jump to any conclusions, but this just jumped out at me as strange feelings for someone who had a plan.