Originally Posted By: ImprovedRomeo
Quote:
I always said I had the grudge factor of a gnat, I just don't hold on to thing that hurt me. But yet in this case I know I should...


I'm the same way...and I like it. We're all allocated a finite amount of time in our lives, gotta make everyday worth living. Holding a grudge bogs you down from moving forward. Sure I have moments where I feel angry but it usually only lasts minutes...then it's back to the present!

I think the biggest reason for my feeling anger and hurt is from DD's perspective. She wants us to be together so bad and I wish with every fiber of my existence I could somehow make it happen for her but the sad reality is that I can't.


This gets me too. Both of my kids are very open that they want their mommy and daddy back together. I hate that i can't fix that by myself, but I can't. frown

Last night Nathan was up sick w/the flu and he was talking to me about his dad again. That his dad yells at him a lot and it makes him feel bad, that after basketball games last fall his dad would yell at him in the car for not doing a better job. He said his dad is mad a lot and it makes his time with him 'not fun'. He went so far as to say he wished he had more time with me and less w/his dad bc 'dad gets mad a lot'.

UGH! I don't want to throw his dad under the bus but I did acknowledge his feelings. And reinforced for him that his dad's anger is one of the reasons he doesn't live here anymore...and it helped remind me that I don't want THIS Dan back, anyway, bc it would be miserable living with such an angry miserable person day in day out.

I heard something on the radio tonight on my way home from my date... wink

It was a call in show and the woman was talking about her on again off again boyfriend and how nothing she did was ever good enough, she tried to please/appease him, etc.

And the host said, "You need to understand something. You are never going to please him. It does not matter what you do. He actually does not WANT you to please him...his anger and judgement of you is his way to control you."

I have heard it before in similar words but that really got to me. Especially bc I think of it not only in terms of me, but my kids. I want them to understand it is not their job to twist themselves in knots to please their dad...


Me-35

Together: 18 yrs
M-12.5 yrs
S-8
D-4
D'd: Feb. 2010

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save. --Zeph. 3:17