Till death do us part... or she leaves...

[Denver_2010]

Anyway, I come to you tonight for help. I visited with my MC/C today and he is really pushing me hard to file for D. He once again reminded me that D's are not final and that it is simply to protect me legally. I have been very discouraged lately and have been thinking about it. Why, I don't know. I will mull that over some more and post about it tomorrow night. I guess I am pushing myself too hard. I made a list today of the things she has done:

The list goes on and on and it is quite depressing. But, I guess maybe my DB'ing kicked in at some point because I suddenly asked myself this question, "Is anything that has been conducted on this list irreversible?" The resounding answer is "NO!" Everything she has done to this point can be taken back, changed or reversed. She has yet to take a single action that cannot be flipped back. I think I can find something positive in this. Thoughts?

Exactly. FOBD, we haven't been at this that long. This is a marathon, not a sprint. I think that you need to take a step back and relax for a bit. You are right, nothing has happened that cannot be reversed. Remember the 2 most important things with DBing, IMO anyway, this takes 1) TIME and 2) PATIENCE. She is still a WAW. I think that some expectations that you allowed yourself to have after a couple of positive contacts with your W caused you to have a bit of a setback. But that's all that it is... a setback.

So, I am ready to start working on the next stage of my DBing plan. But, how do I proceed? We apparently are now in the "friends" mode. She answers when I call and we are very friendly on the phone. But, she still doesn't refer to us in any other way other than friends. This is not all bad. She could have taken her stuff on Sunday, handed me papers and told me to piss off. So, I can find some good in where I am right now. But, I how should I proceed from here? How do I stay in her life without pursuing or looking like I am trying to do such a thing? I will continue to GAL. I will continue to go to the gym. I will continue to play nice with her and not take the bait to fight when offered. But, what next? Should I spend some time with a DB coach? I want to keep the ball moving forward, but I am not sure how to proceed. Any success stories out there? Team, you have a BITS in need right now. Please help?

A DB coach is a good idea FOBD. Mine got me centered on what I needed to do. I haven't even used my 2 remaining sessions bc the 1st has helped so much.

If I were you, I would consider going dark again for a bit. See if she starts initiating contact again. If she does, then you have to remember to watch for the little things that are positive. Baby steps. Remember, she is going to be excited, caught up with, and busy with, her new living situation. This probably is not going to last long. So consider going dark for a while and let her get over all of that. Get her wondering what FOBD is up to. During that time, continue GAL. Have some fun.

BTW, I know I keep referring to my MC as my MC, but I guess he has become more of a C now. He is very concerned about my W and the games she is playing. So, I guess the truth is that now he is my C. Anyway, my C today asked me if I have considered going out on a date? I told him "no," but I was getting lonely. I work in outside sales and this week I had to conduct a presentation with a very attractive co-worker. Nothing going on here. She is engaged to a very large gentleman who would crush me like a grape. But, while at lunch I noticed how nice it was to sit across a table from a pretty lady while eating and conversing. My W was quite cute and I do miss sitting in a restaurant and just talking with her. I miss the interaction. I miss the touch of W's skin. I miss the feel of my W's lips. I want her back so bad it hurts. But the loneliness is getting hard.

Understand exactly how you feel. I have also considered whether or not I should date. The answer for me was 'no'. First, I'm not ready to start dealing with any expectations that an OW might have. Second, I decided it wasn't healthy for me and what I want for my life... which obviously is to have new M with my W. I decided that I need to either focus on that, or nothing romantic at all right now.

I think that it is good that you are recognizing that your C is YOUR C and not MC. He obviously views his role is to look out for your best interests as an individual and not the best interest of your M. IMO, you should be careful with some of his advice.

BTW, I do not see how you filing for D helps you protect yourself anymore than sitting back and giving your M some time does. While I agree that D is not necessarily the end of a R, all it will really do is hasten the end of your M and make reconcilliation more difficult.

Ultimately, all of this is up to you and what is best for FOBD.

BITS!!
Denver