"We don't know the level of your alcohol use or what you are like when you drink. YOU might not know what it's like for her when you drink."
Ok.. so I drink alot. I have an addictive personality. When it it not focused on something "good" it goes bad. I do know what it is like for her when I drink. I have been at her house.. I have seen what she grew up with.
"At worst case, if you chose not to work through this, you would have a real understanding of the impact of your actions."
But.. I understand it.. the impact of my actions. To me.. I am trying NOT to prove a point. To her I am. I try to move close.. and I find rejection. I move away.. more rejection. I drink to "get away". I don't drink to confront.
"She does love you or she wouldn't be around you."
Is this what keeps me stuck in the cycle?
"She knows the hero you are, the same guy we see on the board. She wants better for you and herself--because, well, she knows how good it can be"
I am not a hero. I am the guy you see on the board.
To put that in my own words.. I am the guy that will bend over backwards to make sure that you are better than me. I am not the guy that wants to impress you with my words. I want people to "see" me for who I am. If they think I am screwed up.. fantastic. If they think I am "mean/sarcastic" so be it.
"And unfortunately, you have to make a decision. Actually, not one. LOTS of decisions about this -- you have to make them every single day."
And I am. Right now I am still following the DB rules. I am not acting on my emotions and I am watching and waiting. I could walk away and say I have done all I can do. I have the post count to show it. No one would challenge it.
"Same thing with the porn--everyone has an acceptable level."
This is not something that has been an issue this time. I have only been using here recently. I can't excuse it.. but I have my limits.
"that's the thing we seldom do here on this board. We blame our partner."
I have tried to change that. In my own way. I don't think I have blamed her at all in this. Simply because it is my post and I like to talk about me. I have failed just as much as she has. But at times I feel like I have stepped up more than she has. Everyone has a breaking point.
"I respect you. Enormously."
Thank You.
I am not sure I deserve it.
I Love you too.. SG the Mod.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
