I am going to hold off on this conversation for a little bit. Right now I am going to continue doing for me and the kids.
If this is necessary in a few months then I will use this approach then.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
The DR book tells us to wait 72 hrs before we act on a decision like that. I don't think you should plan that for tonight. You need more time to think and feel sure about it. You need to think of possible answers that she might throw out there and how you will respond. You don't need to set yourself up to be shot down by something unexpected from her. So......take time to be solid if & when you approach her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Wow! See how you changed your mind and backed out? In about 30 minutes you went from doing it tonight.....to having "months" of time left.
Women respond better to decisive men, so I hope you can make up your mind at some point. The whole idea was to have a few months to make those special memories. If you wait too long, you won't get that shot anyway b/c your time will be up.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I understand that but what if me & my changes work without having to say your suggested comments?
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
This is true and no one really knows your situation or W like you. But I would think that if I approach my W while she was still here in a real happy way and say " I now we have short time left let's make these the best few months of our 18 yrs and that way we can both go our way smiling and with good thoughts. No need to make them anymore painful than they are" How could anyone resist that.
Don't wait until everything is just right. It will never be perfect. There will always be challenges, obstacles and less than perfect conditions. So what. Get started now. With each step you take, you will grow stronger and stronger, more and more skilled, more and more self-confident and more and more successful
Scared2def, Tonight I was your test dummy. Take sandi's advice word for word and do it. You don't have to memorize it, just get the point across.
I was scared as hell. But it worked. It is not a fix all, so keep expectations at bay, but, if you want to feel tension lift from both of your shoulders? Do it. Validate, shut up and listen and agree. If you have to talk, no pursuing.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I could see her shoulders drop, it is the only thing after all this time I could of done just to get a chance to crack the wall.
Thank you Sandi, and anyone trying to get through to us about validating.
scare2def, she will still want D, she will still not try. she will still be done. This talk is not going to change that,which is why you have the talk, to let them know you understand that. It will only relieve tension and pressure on her, but that is a start.
H-40 W-38 Together-20 Married-12 boy-7 girl-3 bomb-9/17/10 No papers live together No affair
Well I did this last night. I was not sure of the outcome but she was certainly easy to access while I talked.
I told her basically what Sandi suggested to say. I will keep you all abreast of how this evening goes and we shall see. Although tonight will be kind of awkward in my house because my son has 2 friends sleeping over and that means the house will be a little out of wack.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
