1) Go to the posts of the ones who made it. Jack3Beans is one. It was his anniversary yesterday, I think, from when he first posted. I went through all his posts and it really was enlightening.
2) Have you talked to a DB Coach? Maybe if you could get some time there they will be able to show you things you didn't see.
3) 4 months may not be enough time. Michele says 1 month for every year of marriage (sorry, if that makes you want to jump.)
4) I feel your frustration, believe me. For the first 3 months, nothing worked. My H was absolutely the tin man. I don't care what anyone says. He closed down completely and there was nothing getting through. Good news, he's cracking. What does that mean? Don't have a clue if he's happy because I seem accepting or he's drifting back. I don't ask.
5) You have to GAL. Sorry, just the way it is. However, I don't believe that you should be doing things that aren't "you" and worrying about if its attractive or not. If you are not true to yourself, then you are just faking and you'll ultimately revert back to your true self. So, I agree with you on this point.
I know you're frustrated right now. I'm sorry about that because it really seems like you are making a genuine effort. There might not be an answer right now. Your wife might need time and there isn't anything else but time that is going to help. Your wife might truly want out. I don't know. But if I were you, I think it's worth betting on that she needs time and to wait this out a bit longer. The GAL is about not getting swallowed up in this waiting game because it is painful.
