i have only been married for 3 1/2 yrs and have 1 D with my wife. i would guess our problems started in the spring of '09. our D was born in oct '08. we were living in the northern part of the state and would travel tovisit her family in the southern part. we were planning on moving by her family when i finished college in may. my W and D moved a month before me. when we moved down we had sold our house up north and were living with her mom, an uncomfortable situation for me, until we found a place of our own. i didn't like going from having a house to living in a bedroom at her moms. i retreated up north to my friends and family often that summer and purposely missed many events with her i.e. a wedding, 4th of july, a company picnic. i was so foolish and took her for granted. she tried then to tell me she was unhappy but i blew it off and believed it would all be ok when we got out of her mom's. finally in the end of august we were able to buy a house and move out, unfortunently at that time i lost my job and had to take a new one that had me traveling alot. i was still blind to her feelings. finally one night in oct she sat me down and told me that she wasn't sure if she was in love anymore. it hit me like a rock, i panic. for the next few months i did everything DB tells you not to do. i was always around, brought out wedding albums, and did everything she wanted with no opinion of my own. things just fell apart more. finally in january she told me that she wasn't in love anymore and wanted out. we agreed to stay living together until the house sold. we usually spent our weekends taking turns going out while the other person watched our D. in march my W had a company work party at a bar and would be out all night. the next day she was acting strange, i kept after her until she admitted that she kissed a guy from work. he works a branch in the indianappolis but was visiting. i blew up, felt like i was gonna die. we went on living together with the house not selling. in spring we she slowly started to ask me to come to things with her and our D. i was delighted. i had been backing off and not preasuring her about our M. in mid july we went to this big town party with her friends and danced, laughed, and kissed. she told me she wanted to get back together and put our bands back on. i was on cloud 9. we started out great. even took the house off the market. but both of us avoided our issues, especially me, because i think we felt they would just go away. we had good times and a few times my W even wanted to discuss having another baby. we hadn't been saying "i love you" and i pressured her to say it before i would talk more about a baby...i feel this was a big mistake! i was missing all of the small signs. in the end of oct i could feel us pulling apart again. our sex life had dropped off, she was acting distant. i panic again and began always trying to kiss her or hug her...huge turn offs to her. in the beginning of nov, i finally got a new job were i would be home every night. a week into she came into the kitchen in the morning and said we needed to talk that night. i noticed she wasn't wearing her ring anymore. that night she told me that she couldn't keep going like this and wanted us to be over. she said she just wasn't in love anymore. she has been living with her mom since mid nov and has put the house back on the market. i hoped it wouldn't last but has. i wrote her a letter, tried to contact her alot and did everything short of begging her. i found out that that guy from work was back in mid dec and they have been having an EA/PA. i am crushed! we split time with our D. she often texts me when i have her and tells me how much she misses her. she invited me over for thanksgiving and x-mas since my family lives hours away and she said she didn't want me to be alone for the holidays. i found DB after x-mas and read it immediately. i wish i had done this a year ago, i truly feel my marriage would be different. i'm trying a 180/ last resort tech. i have joined the gym, started hanging out with friends more, and not preasuring her about our M. i have seen small signs of improvement. one day i stayed home from work to watch our sick D, my W brought us breakfast before work and actually stayed to eat with me insted of rushing off. i felt things were going in the right direction until i talked to her on the phone the other day. i have my daughter this weekend. in our conversation my W told me that she would be out of town this weekend. i asked were she was going and all she would say was out of town. i became very defense and we argued for most of the rest of the call. indianappolis is about 7 hrs away so she must be flying. i feel i am back at square one. i know my weekend will be horrible with little sleep and terrible thoughts. how do i keep going? i want to saved this marriage! what do i do now?
