I hear you, I do. I think part of the reason we do this is to protect ourselves, get ready for the next bullet. I have to spend 16 hours a day with this man (he doesn't bother me when I'm sleeping thankfully). And every minute is another opportunity to launch his next grenade. And you plain just don't know what will set him off and when. I'm not sure I can take much more battering. Everything I do is wrong. Everything I think is wrong. Everything I believed about our relationship is wrong. Every word, action, look is wrong.
It is humiliating as people watch what is happening and know that he has kicked me to the curb. It is humiliating when he shows up to our old town, at the old bars, with the OW. It is humiliating that folks at work have taken notice of the fact that he is paying OW attention, that he is hanging out with her, that he takes his breaks with her. It is humiliating that he talks about her constantly. That he spent a weekend tracking her ride back to the northeast to make sure she had clear weather. For God's sake, his FB page has pictures of her and him and nothing of me! Yet, he vigorously denies that there is an affair.
And before anyone asks, leaving is not an option at the moment. I've been looking for another job for 3 months.
I am tired. And some moments there's no escaping this situation. And some moments I am not sure there's any forgiving this situation. I am just so angry sometimes.
