It makes me so sad to hear that your little boy missed his mother. He is so young, and doesn't have the coping mechanisms to deal with all that is happening. How can we expect them to be able to cope, when we ourselves struggle daily.
According to the therapist, that we took our son to, your son is coming upon the age that boys need and want their fathers more than their mothers. If your X has geniune concern for your children, hopefully she will encourage and allow your son to have more time with you. Coming from the Mom's perspective, it is tough to let go and allow that attachment to deepen when it is happening in a broken marriage. Especially since I would rather my X to experience less of our child, so that X could feel pain. But, I love my child more than that, and hopefully your X will too. I had a friend say the other day, that she was more angry with my X, because he intentionally and selfishly did all he did for me, kept in contact ect ect., inorder for me to continue to have feelings for him. I think this is what your X is doing also. She wants to keep you reeled in, even when you have told her not to contact you. It is obvious she cannot let go. Now, if only she would see that the greener grass turns brown with time.
It was painful to read about letting go. I believe there is much truth in what he writes, but it is difficult to let go when the X's are the way ours are. I think you are doing the right thing in trying to let go though, inspite of her refusal to.
Reading how you felt after sharing your videos, is exactly how I feel more often than not. I get so mad at myself after I have had those light happy moments with my X. It is easy for me to forget all the bad whenever we are talking or laughting about our son, but it all comes racing back whenever X leaves. Honestly, it is better for our kids if we get along, but in doing so I feel like I am sanctioning X's leaving us. But, I don't think punishing X will make it more likely he will come back either. LETTING GO, and really letting go is probably the best for us, and the only thing that will get their complete attention. Such a scary thing though. As I have said before, I am scared if I let go, there will never be a chance of restoration, so I am stuck. And while I am stuck, he does whatever he wants, and makes himself feel ok about it.
I am sick of all of this too. What unnecessary pain our children and ourselves are having to endure.
I know this, this life is short, and we have such a small amount of time to influence our children. I want to hear the words, .."Well done, my faithful servant", from the only One whose love never fails.
