You've had a longer and tougher road that I ever had. But I find myself with the same questions and frankly it kinda depresses me if I dwell on it.
For us, my W dropped the bomb in early Nov. By late Nov. she had taken D off the table. After a couple good weeks, my W said that we should start sleeping in the same bed. At first, she would lay with her back to me on the other side. Gradually, she's returned to a more normal sleeping patter, but it's not like we spoon or hug all night. (rarely did)
In late Dec., my W surprised the heck out of me by asking if I wanted to start ML again. Granted she didn't do a progression from physical intimacy to this...she just kinda jumped into. Well, 2 days later I screwed it up and we haven't ML since. she hasn't kissed me or initiated any kind of physical touch in about 4 weeks. The most she's done is to sit on the couch next to me twice.
This is starting to become a sore point with me. I don't want it to. I brought it up to my W about 2 weeks ago and she said that I just needed to be patient and that she still has a lot of resentment towards me. I said okay. I just wish she'd give a little on this because I feel that if we are going to move forward we need to move forward.
On Monday, I laid out the sex thing for her. I told her "I really miss the sex part of things. I know that you are in a different place right now and I totally respect that. I'm not asking you to or anything and this is my issue I have to learn how to deal with. I know I have to be patient with you and I will, but sometimes it bothers me and since you asked."
She didn't get mad, but just kind of acknowledge the situation. Maybe I aimed too high.
So for me the tally is this.
Early Nov-mid Dec.: Slept in separate rooms Mid Dec.-now : Sleeping in room.
Since early Nov:
ML once in late Dec.
Other physical affection: Basically nothing constant, a few hugs here or there and maybe 2-3 kisses. No hand holding, snuggling, spooning.
Verbal: One ILY. Nothing in email or txt.
No one-on-one dates. But she planned something for Dec. it was running a 5K together, no kids which is not what we usually do.
She usually calls me or txt me once a Day. Mostly to see how things are and to talk kids/dinner.
We also had to MC session in Dec. but every MC session in Jan. was canceled due to weather or sick kids.
I really think we need to start having some physical intimacy. I'm starting to get worried that she will never want to or just get used to the idea of a marriage with no physical touches.
The ironic thing is that My W comes from a very touchy-feely family and she's kinda the opposite. While my family is not touchy-feel at all.
Not that I'm keeping a tally or anything.
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. --Jean Jacques Rousseau.
