Deja vu seems a lot different this time around...

[mj144]

I don't think she would do anything but agree. She'd probably offer to buy them a drink and continue to bash me. Even when things were good between us, there was always a sarcastic overtone about how she talked about me. I am very sarcastic as well, so her defending me is definitely not her thing.

I don't have an opportunity to go dark in any true sense of the tactic. I see her every day 2x. In the morning when I pick up the kids and in the evening when she comes home from work. However, I will not be picking the kids up from school tomorrow and I won't be around during the weekend, so after Friday morning when I take the kids to school, I will be able to go dark until Monday morning. I can unfortunately go dark for short periods of time.

She did email me 2x today, though. I haven't responded. One email was about her getting a donation for our kids' school auction and the other was her forwarding me a job opportunity that a friend of hers sent to her to forward to me.

I can't help the feeling that once I get a job, that it's all done. I rack my brain over and over again trying to come up with some scenario and some strategy on how to bring this back around, but I just don't see how.

Maybe I am still panicked because all I do is go to my house which I don't live in any longer, hang out with my dog and try to find a job all day long and think about how distant and cold W is. I think to myself that maybe moving out was the wrong thing to do and maybe I might have a better chance if I move back. However, I continue that thought with how confusing it might make things for the kids if I move back and then we get a D anyway. I also think about the fact that she was hell bent on meeting w/ a mediator to start figuring out the whole D process. How could I possibly approach her about moving back in and still holding off on any progression towards D? Then with the whole sitch about her sister being in her ear agreeing with her and bashing me and the whole sitch w/ my FIL, what is there really for me to hold onto at this point?