Wow I never thought I would ever get to 100 post but alas here wer are. I am so thankful for all the support I have gotten.
Today is D B-Day and the feelings I thought I would have are here. ugh! I have to get through today and Saturday actual birthday party with a smile and in good spirits. I will cry today and I will cry Saturday. I am sure of it.
Ok so I have been going on and on about how good I've been feeling lately. So today I was in my office catching up on some work and out of the blue I get this text....
W "don't know why I'm telling you his....but I cried today for no reason and I'm so angry with you! Well there are probably a lot of reasons...Just angry in general...I let u damage me and its not fair. You don't realize how u have affected me. Sign and send the papers back name anyways...send D ballons today...hope she has a great day!"
M " W I understand how you feel. I'm so very sorry how I've hurt you. I resepct you for being so strong and determined with what you've done so far. Hoever this ends I want you to know that u were a great W and an even better mother. thank you for trusting me enough to share something so private with me"
W "sorry...should have just reminded u about the balloons or really maybe shouldn't have said anything at all..."
M " I appreciate taht you trusted me enough. Thank you"
W " So why weren't you good?"
M " Honey I just didn't know. I didn't know how my actions and words were so damaging. I have done so much sould searching. If I knew this was hurting u so bad I would of spend my entire life making it up to you. You are worth it!"
W "I used to think I was worth it...I'm not sure right now at this moment and it's not fair I feel this way...My life is in shambles...I have to wash my face now and get back to work.."
M " You are GREAT woman and please don't ever think you are not. I failed you! And that will be my eternal shame."
W "don't call tonight I am goin out to dinner with GF to the Rusty Barrel isn't that freaking great!"
M "I won't but you can call me anytime. I'll respect your space"
The Rusty Barrel is where I proposed.
WHOA! That came out of nowhere. My hands shake as I type this. Now I feel like dog crap again! If she would open up to me and give us one more chance I would move mountains for this woman!
She did completely. It just reinforces the fact that she is not completely healed or happy go lucky as I had been assuming. J3B we are our worse enemies.
Seriously, I absolutely believe that this is a great sign. This was a positive interaction. Very positive. It's only when they open up like this that the healing can begin. These wounds, they fester if they are not opened up and cleaned properly, you know?
No, she is not happy go lucky. She's seriously thinking about things. She's angry. I happen to think that this is a good thing too. When they are reacting, it's usually good, so long as we are keeping things positive.
Listen, something else happened here that is important. I'm thinking a lot about things... if WAS wants to come back, I imagine it is incredibly hard for them to state these things. I imagine that their pride is the stumbling block much of the time. She swallowed her pride big time! Now, she backpedaled a bit but I think that is absolutely normal.
You are in a delicate situation right now. Any chance of you talking to a DB coach to get this to the next step? I think you need the most qualified advice available about how to proceed.
Hi 2Step. I'm still reading through your threads, but wanted to let you know I saw your post on JR's thread.
I am only a success story in that I survived and learned lol. Last I checked (which honestly has been a while) my xh was in the process of breaking up with the main OW yet again. I'm sure they're back together again by now. But I can honestly say I don't care lol.
I'm always happy to provide another perspective regardless though. The DBing and the bulletin boards are a lifesaver regardless of how the individual situation turns out.
Hang in there. There are a lot of very good things in your situation. But you have to look for the baby steps, not expect a complete turnaround overnight. Be patient and keep hoping.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
