Hoping to find some peace

[Redo]

Just found Michele's website and these forums by accident and they have been godsend...

My wife and i were married for 11 years in december. She was born and raised in the US while I came to the US for studies. During our marriage we did have our issues mostly due to cultural and communicative differences. Unfortunately for me, my parents always fought and i grew up not knowing how to resolve disputes. I always panicked and looped out when we had an argument. Over the years it became better. We had our Daughter in '08 and things went south when my parents visited. It was the usual in-laws bickering but in my case i emotionally checked out. Wife never forgave me for that. I tried to make amends (buy emotionally growing up) but to do it myself was like working on rocket-science with only basic math knowledge. I kept tripping and falling but kept up optimism until '09 when wife left for 6 months. It was devastating to have missed out on my daughter's walking age. But i kept the faith and slowly tried to woo her back. She came back in August. I felt like was in heaven. But i also did a mistake of falling into daddy chores and neglected my personal emotional development. In '10 we celebrated our 10 years of marriage by going to the Caribbean. Life was a good even though we had lil spats during our trip. Later my dad had a heart surgery and i planned on visiting my family in December. Through '10 we discussed how we should try marriage counseling and improve our communications. I was thrilled that my wife was okay with it. So comes december and i am in India visiting my family and on Jan3rd, 2011 my grandfather passes away. That evening i call up my wife to tell her the news. I guess what she told me next will be imprinted in mind for a while...she told me that she filed for a divorce....

My reality has crashed since then. I have always wondered...How would someone feel if they had to make a 24hr flight journey to meet their loved ones after a death. What would run through the minds for those 24 hours wile you are forced into a 2'x2' space. Well now i know. I knew that my marriage died and i flew back to the US to take care of the requisite legal matters.

My wife gave me several reasons for the divorce. I spent days trying to figure out where i went wrong. I am sure my emotional weakness played a big part in her decision.

I feel horrible that i have to continue life's journey without her and my baby daughter. I have not yet come to terms with reality yet.

I thought that by putting this out there, i might be a able to feel a little better....hopefully.

Thanks for reading.