Drive The Bus, Or Be The Passenger?

[Kemper]

I will start this post by saying that I know people are different and timelines are different. However, I do wonder how long it has taken other people's spouses to be affectionate and loving towards you.

Did it take time for them to feel comfortable opening up to you and exposing themselves, not in a sexual way but in an emotional way?

If your spouse was cold and closed off during your marriage, did they soften at all? What lead to those developments?

I make sure that I am not falling back into old patterns. In the past I would distance myself when I didn't feel appreciation or affection from my W. Now I find myself moving towards her and giving appreciation and affection. I am not doing it to get a reaction or response out of her but instead because
a) I want to
b) I want her to know that I care about her
c) I know it is the right thing to do to change old behaviors

However, I find myself comparing what my ex-GF did to show appreciation and affection and I miss it. I want my W to do those things. I am just trying to understand other situations and timelines because I know things aren't going to change overnight.