I have done everything wrong....

[islander]

Denver, I know I need to stop but I can't. I am constantly wondering how j got here and why I was slow to act when she initially reached out to me. I know the answer to that to...I thought I had more time. I made the mistake of not putting my relationship first. This seems so unfair, as now I see the light and will never make the same mistakes again, no matter who I am with. I don't see how she can just want to start a new relationship when she would have the one she wants if she just took the time to work on the one she has. This seems unreal to me also, like half of who I defined myself as just walked away from myself, and now I am supposed to detach like I did not need that part of me. This is so hard, but I do realize I have no choice but to go forward, kicking and screaming on the inside.
Once W has all of her property from the house, I do have some good furniture that will be donated to me that she does not know about. She will be surprised whenever she sees it. Maybe she won't be surprised, but she will see that I am alive.

I read the 37 rules and they make sense, and I have already implemented some of them. W text me an hour ago to let me know our balance and said she was would call in a min. She always says she is going to call, then doesn't. I want to call her but I am not. I just replied "ok" about 20 min after W text me.

I just feel all the time that there is no hope for my sitch, but I know the truth is that I don't know what the future holds.