I don't really post anymore, but I do occasionaly come here to check on some "oldtimers" I have always followed. The last person I was expecting to see was you with such sad news to post. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this again. It just breaks my heart. However, I am glad you have the tools to help you deal with this. If you need to talk, you know where you can find me. (((((hugs)))))
Yellowrose - your story was an inspiration...no, I should say you were an inspiration...and still are. My prayers are for you to be OK. You and your kids...as you said you have to leave H in God's hands.
Still hard to believe that this MLC is so long...just a reminder to all of us that even if our spouses come out of the fog it could only be temporary....I personally know that I wouldn't be able to take a second round of this.
You are a strong lady, I'm sure you will be OK in any case.
(((hugs)))
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
UPDATE: things have been going really great for the last 4 years, that is until this past Saturday. H had acted really weird, distant, kind of like when this whole MLC started back in 2005. I saw the same signs emerging again. UGH!!!!
He hasnt hardly even talked to me since Saturday, leaving very confused and I tried to talk to him and he just shut me out.
Anyway, tonight after dinner he asked me if we were going to do anything about this huge elephant in this house. I said okay what is going on.
He said that he feels unhappy again and that he is probably heading for divorce. Surprisingly, I was pretty darn calm. I learned alot from this sight the last time. He knows that something isnt quite right with himself and he said he might start C again. There is no OW this time thank God! He says that he loves me most of the time, whatever that means.
Truthfully on my part, I dont want to go through this again and I dont want a D but I dont want to live like this again. I already told him that if he wants a D he will be paying for it. I have suggested MC and he is still up in the air about that. I guess anything is possible.
He also said that is doesnt necessarily mean we will D in the end but I cant help him right now because it is his problem.
It looks like there is something, that he hasn't worked out within himself; and he knows it's him.
It looks like MLC; but it may not be the same MLC he went through years ago. This may be a different kind of tunnel; because he's not faced everything within himself.
I've seen this before, in my case, my husband had an additional issue that he tried to set aside; and not face. He was two years into his settling down process when I saw what looked like a "going backward"..but it was a different kind of tunnel.
In that process he was FORCED to face that last issue. It was a long row to hoe for me and him...it ended a couple of days ago...after six additional years; his initial crisis was three years.
Now, that does NOT mean it will take your husband that long to process whatever's left and settle himself...I just remember what I'd seen.
And, you DO understand, that its' NOT you, it's HIM; nothing you did to "cause" this.
Some of the signs you describe are very familiar to me; as I saw some of them in my husband years ago.
One positive is at least he's being open with you; my husband wasn't with me; and I had to figure out in hindsight what he was doing; and it even involved me coming back and asking a question, because I didn't understand.
Hang in there, Yellow Rose; God isn't done with you or your husband, yet.
You've learned from your journey before; and those lessons will become very important in the times to come.
Don't give up; there is a light at the end of the tunnel and it is not a runaway train.
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I can very well understand you not wanting to go through this again; no one does.
It's going to be all right; trust once again in God for the outcome.
Take care.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
Dear Yellowrose, you won't recognise this name, because I posted for a long time under another, and then left the boards, but I remember you so well, and how kind and generous you were to everyone, including me. [Remember Baseball Annie, and Lisette, as well as BND and RCR?] I was so very happy when you and your h reconciled. We are on almost the same timeline, but my h has never emerged, and my divorce has just been finalised a few weeks back [over 5 years post bomb, It took a while!!]
Anyway, I am desperately sad to see you here, but I fully agree with Hearts Blessing about unfinished business. Your h had a rather short MLC compared with most here, although it didn't seem like it I am sure. You probably know that Holly06 [class of 05/06!] is just now reconciling [for about the past year] and therefore it is possible that your h didn't fully deal with everything.
You are prepared this time, and so is he. He knows he has a problem [duh] which has to be an improvement on last time. Heart's blessing, as you know, has been through this 'second' Life crisis, and survived, and my marriage hasn't been restored, and I am also OK, so it is back with the man upstairs, as Snodderly would say.
Blessings to you - we none of us deserve this stuff.
Sending a hug your way. Sorry that things are not fully sorted out but glad that you have a safe place to come to work through it. Remember to take care of yourself and to remain strong. Come here when you need to.
So sorry you find yourself back here. I'm going through my H's return trip to MLC'ville myself, after 8 years. God never said life would be fair, but you'd think one trip through this hell would be enough for a free pass to heaven's gate, at least!
Glad you know what steps and how to deal, so perhaps spare yourself some grief and agony. I went through the first trip alone, and only found this site at the beginning of the 2nd trip, so I'm still a beginner.
Stay strong.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
YR - I'm here under another name as well. When I came here over 3 years ago it was your story - how you handled all of this - that made me believe in this process. At that time I thought this was ALL about saving your marriage, so finding the people here that had saved their marriage was quite important to me. I have since learned that THIS is all about so much more, and your strength and your success at saving yourself is the real inspiration.
You know that you will be OK no matter what happens - and that is the key here. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you start this new chapter in your journey.
"Do not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." - James Thurber
Hi MissH! Yes i know where to find you! Its hard but not like last time. I am dealing with it. It's just a shock. He does'nt want me to say anything to anyone yet because he said nothing is set in stone. If someone wants a D why would they climb into bed with you like nothing has happened say good night and go to sleep? The man definately has some issues.... Y
HB I really treasure you inside. Your posts helped me so much the last time. I saw alot of similarities in our journeys.
I know its not me and he has to deal with whatever he has going on. I am doing fine compared to the last time and I will handle whatever needs to be done. I am not giving up yet. Like you said God isn't finished with my H. Y
