Need advice please!!! Not sure on next move?

[MrBond]

Tell him you need a more exact time as you may be out and you don't feel safe about leaving the door unlocked.

When he comes by, be sure you're out of the house but you may want to spray some of your perfume around so he gets a whiff of that when he comes in.

If you really want to push it, have a vase with a dozen fresh roses in where he'll see it and a package from Victoria's Secret nearby.

Let his imagination do the rest.

[dixiegal]

UPDATE/HELP!

So, I just answered" I will have her ready at Noon. We had a nice time thxs for letting me keep her."

I am a WRECK folks! I feel like I'm gonna throw up...just thinking about "maybe" seeing him. I'm crying and now I'm dreading my sweet dog leaving. I love my Dog buddy. She has been a life saver this past two weeks. I'm dreading being ALONE again.

I keep thinking...after he gets her. There is no reason to call, text or anything. I have this pit in my tummy, that says he is DONE with you. That this is it.....no HOPE! He has already moved on in just a months time...probally already seeing someone!

I'm trying yall. I really am...I don't want to..but, I love my H. I wish everyday that I did not say that to him! That I would have shut my mouth! I'm sitting here sobbing and thinking how can he just walk after all this time and what has happened????

What is wrong with me??? I feel so hopeless... why can't he love me?

[dixiegal]

@Mr. Bond, H means to leave the top bolt unlocked so he can use his key to get in.

I'm so devasted right now..I'm just having a melt down...I have an appt via phone w/C to see what he suggests. Not a DBing C though.

I know its stupid, but do you ever wish you would go to sleep and when you woke up this was all a bad dream????

H just sent a text in response that said, "No problem any time u want. I wonder if dog misses me?"

I said, "Im sure"

[2stepboogie]

Dixie BREATH!

You want your H back? Then control yourself and follow the advice you've been given. The same old will get you the same old results. Breath. Relax. Or don't be home when he arrives. Follow Mr Bond's advice I think it is solid. If you can't control your emmotions leave the house. I know you are hurting trust me but you have to play the chess game and think ahead one or two moves or you will lose the fight

[lostinscared]

First, NOTHING that you are feeling is stupid. Nothing.

Second, this is not the end! You will see him again, that I promise.

Third, please, please, please breathe and know that there are people who care for you and want to help.

Fourth, let's just say you're right and he doesn't want you back, do you believe that is the end of your life? It isn't. It isn't by a long shot. Sweetie, you're 40, there's still a lot of life to live. There's a whole world out there. And seriously, as sweet as you are, a whole world that would welcome you with wide open arms.

Fifth, get that Bible out. Ok, take it out and start reading Psalms. Right now.

Honey, please keep talking to whomever you can. You're having a bad time. All of us do. I suspect when my H finally leaves I will be having the same meltdown. You are in good company.

You need to take care of yourself. Tell me what you are doing to GAL right now... Big hugs to you!!!!

[Denver_2010]

I know its stupid, but do you ever wish you would go to sleep and when you woke up this was all a bad dream????

Dixie - I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time. I, we all, completely understand and can relate. It is not stupid to wish that this were all a bad dream. I think that when I wake up in the morning almost every day. No offense to anyone on the board, I love all of you guys, but I wouldn't mind waking up one morning only to realize that everything that I'm going through, including this board, were all a terrible nightmare. I would be like scrooge and be a completely different person.

I think that you are doing great dealing with your H. Maybe start to wait a bit before you respond to his text messages. But that's the only constructive criticism that I have.

I really like Bond's ideas of the perfume, roses and VS package. You should try it and see if you get a reaction from him.

Lastly, you should consider going and adopting a new puppy!

BITS!
Denver

[dixiegal]

Thanks 2step and lost,

Yes Lost, I did take out my Bible and read it! I also do it from work via internet too during the day. I've been taking time every morning when I first wake up to pray/read my bible. It helps me to not focus on my sitch and put the focus on GOD.

However, I'm pretty emotional today. I cried this morning walking the dog, getting ready for work, on the way to work/when I got in my office and now. I'm trying to hold it together. I have Choir tonight at Church. So, I know that will help.

But, I'm just so scared to be alone in the house. With the Dog at house this last two weeks. It helped take my mind off of things. It kept me busy. Taking care of her helped a lot. I guess, thats me. I like to take care of those I love....

Someone said to me, "least you don't have kids". It sent me into a crying fit! Because, I want kids. I have for the last 5 years. Now, I'm 40 and fear its no longer possible. Plus, here I am in this sitch and time is passing everyday...plus if I had kids it least it would help me focus on something else than this. At least, I would have the best part of me and H.

I;m suppose to speak to this C today via phone (not from DBing). So, maybe he will offer some insight for 2morrow's interaction with H when he gets the Dog.

But, for the most part I know no R talk. Just act happy, look and smell nice. Leave the house first...

I need ya'lls prayer's today folks-

Sometimes, I wish I could just cut it off. Ya know, be like them. Just have one day where I didnt care, miss or love my H. But, I can't no matter how hard I try to pretend.

Dix

[hope2011]

I love Bond's ideas!!!! It can't hurt. Will peak his curiosity. Maybe not the lingerie (you don't want him thinking you're sleeping with someone else), but the roses are a great idea. Besides, lady, you deserve some roses!!!! Do it for YOU! Just never tell him you bought them.

Dixie, I'm right with you on the kids thing. My H had a vasectomy. I keep hoping things will work and he'll get it reversed but now he's saying he doesn't think he wants more. I feel the biological clock loudly. ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) There's no rule that says you can't adopt or visit a sperm bank. Just like DB and M, only you can decide on giving up on being a mom.

In the meantime, get another puppy!

Post, vent, read the Bible, read DB, do what you need to do and know we're all here pulling for you! You can do it, you can do it!!! BITS!

Praying hard for you today!!!!!

[Yoyowife]

Dixie,
As I read your threads I was so reminded of my own situation. My husband blindsided me and walked out Oct. 2006. Of couse I found out later he and his secretary were having an affair.

I held on to hope for so long and as many told me, let him cake eat. He went back and forth telling me he was going to come home. He filed for divorce in June 2007 and then called it off the following summer 2008 saying he thought we could work it out. Keep in mind he never moved back home.

He continued to go between me and the OW. Finally in 2009 I made up mind that I would no longer tolerate his treatment of me and filed for divorce myself. It was final in June 2010.

I will tell you all the mistakes I made in order to help you. I pursed him when I knew I shouldn't. I would find any little thing I could to call him. I jumped at every chance I had to spend with him. Yes, I was at his beck and call...ashamed to admit.

The few times that I was strong enough to back off, he would come around saying he was sorry. I of course did not follow through with the LRT long enough. Once he knew he had me right where he wanted, he would start his bad behavior again.

My advice to you is to go very dark on him and start doing things for yourself. Adopt a new puppy or get a older dog from the shelter. I know they are so much company, I am a dog lover. Go for long walks, volunteer with your church, just find something that you enjoy doing and keep busy.

Make sure you are not around him until you are strong enough to see him without being emotional. When he comes to get the dog, be gone.

I think the only chance you have of saving your marriage is to
GAL and drop the rope. Looking back I may have been able to save my marriage if I had been stronger.

I am happy to report that I am in a very good place now. I am dating a wonderful man now that I absolutely adore and he adores me back. We went to college together and reconnected on Facebook after almost 30 years! It is so nice to be told nice things about myself instead of criticism.

I have not posted in so long, but your story just compelled me me to reply. I wish you the best. If you have any questions, I'll be happy to try to answer them. I'm pulling for you.

Hugs, Yoyo

[Denver_2010]

I know its stupid, but do you ever wish you would go to sleep and when you woke up this was all a bad dream????

Dixie - I'm so sorry that you are having a difficult time. I, we all, completely understand and can relate. It is not stupid to wish that this were all a bad dream. I think that when I wake up in the morning almost every day. No offense to anyone on the board, I love all of you guys, but I wouldn't mind waking up one morning only to realize that everything that I'm going through, including this board, were all a terrible nightmare. I would be like scrooge and be a completely different person.

I think that you are doing great dealing with your H. Maybe start to wait a bit before you respond to his text messages. But that's the only constructive criticism that I have.

I really like Bond's ideas of the perfume, roses and VS package. You should try it and see if you get a reaction from him.

Lastly, you should consider going and adopting a new puppy!

BITS!
Denver

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Doing this bc of lag in my posts... sorry Dixie. Just want you to know I'm still on board!