2 years later it's still not getting easier

[whitneypinch]

Hi Augtan,

I hear you about the pain with dealing with our X's.
I will tell you that it is very hard not initiating contact but it is better overall.
My X does feel it and I can tell when she contacts me. She is much nicer.

I had to go to my X's house yesterday to pick up my kids skis. My X and I chatted and I backslide and showed her videos off my phone of the kids riding at a BMX park and roller-skating. They did both these things for the first time this weekend when they were with me.
My X laughed at stuff and had a nice little visit.
I drove away so upset that this whole stupid mess does not have to be happening at all. Then I became so mad at myself for showing her the videos. I should have just picked-up the skis and left.

Of course an hour later my X texted me about an event that she was at with my daughter.

So it's been a month since I have told my X that I didn't want to have anymore contact. She has contacted me almost every day. I have not initiated contact once.
I am getting fed up of this whole situation and all the energy that it is taking.

She is going away skiing with my kids this weekend and may end up contacting me. If she does I will probably push back pretty hard.
For me, the anger/bitterness is that she never tried to do anything to work on our situation, not a single thing. Now she acts like nothing is the matter.

On Saturday night my 6 year old son was crying for his mom when I put him to bed. Seeing that makes me so angry.

It would be different if my X and I hated each other and could not be in the same room together but that is not the case.

Augtan, I try not to give advice out unless asked. All I will say is that for me no contact makes my life "a bit" better. For me there is no way I could be intimate with my X and then have her just drop out of my life. That would just destroy me.

I hope everyone has a better day today.

I am going to post something I found that I read sometimes:

Let It Go (by T.D. Jakes)

There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.

LET THEM GO!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead.

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.

LET THEM GO!

If you are holding on to someone that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to...

LET THEM GO!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains...

LET IT GO!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...

LET THEM GO!

If someone has angered you...

LET THEM GO!

If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge...

LET THEM GO!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction...

LET THEM GO!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...

LET IT GO!

If you have a bad attitude...

LET IT GO!

If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better...

LET IT GO!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......

LET IT GO!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...

LET THEM GO!

If you're feeling depressed and stressed...

LET IT GO!

Get Right or Get Left, think about it, and then...

LET THEM GO!